


The Wonder I've Been Missing

by mseg_21



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo, The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Alternate Universe - Circus, Grishaverse Big Bang 2020, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:55:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 32,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26271490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mseg_21/pseuds/mseg_21
Summary: After his father tries to kill him, Wylan Van Eck winds up in the company of the stars of Circus Van Kraaien, who offer him a spot on their crew. There, Wylan will find a family among the acrobats, the animal tamers and the magicians⎯ as well as something more with a certain charming sharpshooter.But not even the exciting world of the circus can keep Wylan safe from his father forever, and it’s only a matter of time before he must fight for his life again.
Relationships: Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck, Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa, Matthias Helvar/Nina Zenik
Comments: 29
Kudos: 103
Collections: Grishaverse Big Bang 2020





	1. Chapter 1

Wylan was absentmindedly playing the piano when his father’s voice boomed through the Van Eck residence, startling him. 

"Wylan! Be ready to leave in ten minutes!" 

He jumped in surprise, causing the piano keys to make an awful sound. He grimaced, waiting for his father to complain about the noise, but he was met with just silence. The man didn't say anything else or come into Wylan's room, clearly he didn’t expect his son to question why he needed to get ready or ask where they were going, lest it made him change his mind. He knew Wylan wouldn’t risk missing out on the chance to leave the house. 

While he buttoned up his waistcoat, Wylan tried to think of the last time he’d been allowed outside but couldn’t come up with an answer. He couldn’t even remember when was the last time he’d talked to someone, other than his tutors, the house servants or Alys. He might not know where his father was taking him, but he didn’t care. Wherever that was, it would certainly be better than being locked up. 

He was standing by the door only five minutes later, playing with the strap of his bag while he waited for his father. Since he didn’t know where he was going, he had packed a few slender rolls of butcher’s paper that he used for sketching, the metal case containing his pen, as well as several glass bottles of ink, and finally, his flute. That way if his father needed to step away to attend to some merchant business while they were out, Wylan could keep himself busy. It was what he did when he was younger, back when his father still allowed Wylan to accompany him to his meetings⎯ back when his father still thought that Wylan would grow to take over the Van Eck empire. 

But as Wylan grew older and started to struggle with the basic tasks of reading and writing, his father started to bring him along less and less over the years. He would make up excuses to keep Wylan locked in the house instead, shipping in tutors from every city in Kerch, hoping one of them would be able to fix his son. But none of them could. And eventually Van Eck gave up on him, simply keeping Wylan away from the public eye, hoping that if he didn’t acknowledge his existence, everyone would forget he even had a son. 

The realization that his father was ashamed of him had hurt Wylan, but he never stopped hoping that one day he would stop being a disappointment and would make his father proud. Even after all he had done, Wylan wanted to be good for him. Maybe this trip was his chance to finally do it, maybe if he was good and didn’t embarrass him, his father would take Wylan with him more often. 

He straightened up when he heard his father’s heavy footsteps approaching. He walked around the corner one second later, wearing a perfectly cut frock coat and a black vest. He looked Wylan up and down and gave him a sharp nod. “Good, you’re ready.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Let’s go. There’s a coach waiting for us.”

Outside, the sun was setting. The last of the light giving a warm orange tinge to the sky as Wylan climbed into the coach behind his father, taking the seat opposite to him. With a cry from the driver and the crack of a whip they started moving, silence falling inside the coach. Wylan didn’t dare to talk without his father’s permission so he sat there quietly, staring at his knees while he imagined all the places his father could be taking him. 

A council meeting. Dinner with another merchant. The church. His mother’s grave. 

Wylan wished the curtain windows weren’t closed and that he could see where they were headed, but even if he could look out the window, there would be nothing to see except the growing darkness and his own pale reflection.

* * *

Roughly an hour later, the coach halted to a stop. Wylan tried not to look too eager while stepping through the door, but he still gasped softly when he looked around.

His father had brought him to a carnival, though it didn’t seem like the kind of place a respectable mercher like him would want to visit. The people milling around didn’t look or dress like them⎯ most of them were wearing masks and costumes. And those who weren’t, cast curious looks at Wylan.

After mumbling something to the driver, Van Eck started walking, not even bothering to tell Wylan to follow him. He hurried behind his father, afraid that he might lose him in the crowd. They walked past tents and stands until they came to a stop in front of a tall, red and white tent. Wylan didn’t need to read the sign in front, not that he would be able to anyway, to know it was a circus tent. 

Wylan had been to a circus before, when he was a kid. His mother had begged his father to take them for one of Wylan’s birthdays and, even if he didn’t remember much of what he saw, he remembered how much he loved it⎯ the lights, the animals, the magic of it all. Wylan’s eighteenth birthday was still a couple of weeks away, but perhaps his father thought they could celebrate it a little earlier while the circus was in Ketterdam.

"Wylan, I need to take care of something before we go inside.” His father said, checking his pocket watch. Wylan bit down a smile when he realized they were actually going to enter the circus. His father narrowed his eyes at him, mouth tightening. “Can I trust you to buy us tickets in the meantime⎯ or is that too much for you?”

Wylan managed to hide the hurt from his face despite his father’s harsh words. He nodded, “I can do that, sir.” 

He gave Wylan a small bag of coin before disappearing between two smaller tents.

Wylan looked around, trying to figure out where he was supposed to get the tickets. He noticed that the people waiting in line to enter the big top already had theirs, he thought of asking them where he could get his, but he didn’t want to see their annoyed looks when they pointed him towards a sign that he should have been able to read. Except if he didn’t do that, and he didn’t get the tickets before his father returned, he would be angry and disappointed, and probably drag Wylan home. And then he could forget about ever being let outside again. 

Wylan was still standing on the same spot his father left him, wringing the strap of his bag while he tried to decide what to do, when someone spoke right into his ear. 

“You look a little lost.” A deep voice said. 

Wylan startled. He whirled around and his eyes landed on a lean chest, clad in a purple plaid waistcoat. “I’m not⎯ um, I’m not lost.” 

“Your eyes seem to be. I know my muscled chest can be distracting, but my face is up here.” The same voice said, though it had a playful tone this time. 

Wylan’s eyes snapped up, feeling a flush rise to his cheeks. The boy standing in front of him was tall and Wylan had to take a step back to be able to see his face. And when he did, he nearly bit off his tongue.

The boy couldn’t be much older than Wylan, probably only a year or two. He had smooth dark skin, grey eyes and the most perfectly shaped lips he had ever seen. They were curled into a playful grin, one that only grew bigger the more Wylan stared at him. And he found it hard to stop staring at him⎯ the boy was beautiful.

“Are you sure you’re not lost?” He asked, cocking his head to the side. He was also staring at Wylan, studying him closely. Wylan’s skin felt warm under his stare. “A pretty little thing like you in a grimmy place like this?”

Wylan spluttered, blushing a bright pink. The boy beamed at him. “What? I’m not⎯” _Lost? Pretty?_ He shook his head. “I’m here to see the show.”

His eyebrows rose, eyes sparkling with amusement. “Ah, I see! Did you get so bored in your grand mansion that you had to come looking for entertainment to the lowest parts of the city, little merchling?” 

“How did you know⎯”

“All it takes is one look at that innocent pretty face and those delicate fingers to know you’re some baby merch.” The boy laughed and Wylan’s face burned with embarrassment. “So tell me, where is your chaperone?”

Wylan drew himself up. “I don’t have a chaperone. I’m here on my own.” He lied, he didn’t think that saying he was here with his father would do him any good.

“Brave little merchling.” The boy winked and even if there was a hint of mockery in his voice, Wylan thought he seemed a little impressed.

He wouldn't be so impressed if Wylan asked for help with something as simple as getting the tickets, but if he wanted to have them by the time his father returned, he would have to suffer through the embarrassment. “Do you⎯ um, do you know where I can get the tickets for the circus?” He asked, fidgeting with the bag of coin. 

He waited for the boy to look at him like he was stupid, but he didn’t. Instead, he pointed towards a smaller red tent. “Right there. I would take you myself, but I need to head inside. It’s almost time.” 

“Are you also watching the show?”

The boy’s eyes sparkled and he gave Wylan another cheeky grin. “Something like that.” He started walking backwards, away from Wylan. “Tell Dirix that Jesper sent you, he will give you the best seat in the house. You won’t want to miss anything⎯ I hear their sharpshooter is very handsome.” He winked again and whirled around, his coat flapping open, and Wylan was able to catch sight of the gun at his hip before he disappeared in the crowd. 

* * *

He did just as Jesper told him, accepting the tickets and the curious look Dirix gave him. He was putting away what was left of the money when his father returned. 

"Did you have any trouble?" 

"Not at all, sir.” Wylan said, eager to please him. “I managed to get us the best seats."

Van Eck nodded and together, they started walking towards the large tent. A man with blue hair was ushering people through the opening, "Come one! Come all! Step right up to witness the marvel of the Circus van Kraaien." 

They were led to their seats by a woman with cropped blond hair. Wylan was pleased to find that they were indeed some of the best seats in the house, front and center. They would be able to see everything that took place in the ring. 

The place filled up slowly until every seat in the tent was taken. Around them, people talked, wondering what they might see once the show started and sharing popcorn and peanuts. Wylan and his father were silent, he didn't expect him to make small talk and he was content with silently studying the place while they waited. 

He was surprised when his father cleared his throat, his hand reaching into his breast pocket. 

"You should be wearing this." His father said, opening his hand. 

Wylan gasped. It was a tie pin just like the one he wore⎯ a massive perfect ruby, the jewel of the Van Eck house. Giving it to Wylan was a way for his father to recognize him as his son. In public. He didn't know what made his father give it to him, but he wouldn't ruin it by asking him about it. 

With a lump in his throat, Wylan accepted it. "Thank you, Father." He said, slightly choked up, and pinned it on his waistcoat. 

His father nodded, "Do not take it off." 

"I promise."

Not long after, the flashing lights inside the tent dimmed, leaving but a single spotlight in the center of the arena.

A man stepped into the light⎯ he wore a black suit, a black hat and black gloves. He was leaning on a cane, the handle shaped like a crow’s head. He didn't say anything, but people fell silent in his presence.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome. My name is Kaz Brekker and I will be your ringmaster tonight." The man⎯ no, the _boy_ , he realized when he took a closer look. Just like Jesper, he didn't look much older than Wylan. The boy spoke with a serious voice, one that echoed around the arena as if he was shouting. "I could tell you all about what you’ll be seeing here tonight. I could tell you about how it will make you scream and clap, cheer and gasp." He paused for effect, gaze gliding around the room from under the brim of his hat. "But I won't, for the acts you will see today defy all logic and description. So without further introduction I give you our first act. Welcome Matthias Helvar, the Beast Tamer."

The crowd applauded and Kaz disappeared from the ring. Another young man entered and behind him, two stagehands rolled in a large cage. Inside, a white wolf paced impatiently. 

The man tied his blond hair back, before asking the stagehands to unlock the cage. They quickly retreated from the ring as the wolf pushed open the door and stepped outside. His red eyes scanned the room and Wylan's breath caught in his throat when they briefly met his. Then Matthias was clicking his tongue, and the wolf was turning his attention back to him. 

He approached the wolf slowly, holding out his hand. When he was only a few inches away, the wolf snarled at him and several people gasped, but Matthias didn’t even flinch. He continued to move closer until he was scratching the wolf’s ears, and just like that, the wolf went from a wild beast to an obedient animal. Matthias had him perform some tricks, like jumping through hoops and walking on his hind legs before calling two more wolves to the ring and making the three of them perform together. After they left the ring, a big spotted cat was brought out in their place and finally, to end his act, Matthias had four horses perform some delightful tricks before riding one of them off stage, the other three following behind as the audience cheered. 

Next, Kaz was introducing Nina Zenik and her magician act. A beautiful girl appeared on stage in a puff of smoke, greeting the audience with a big grin. Her skirt had layers upon layers of burgundy and gold and she wore a loose fitting, flowy black shirt that exposed a bit of her chest and stomach. Beads hung down from the top of her skirt, jingling slightly with each of her movements. Her brown curls were held back by a scarf, adorned with the same golden beads from her skirt. 

Her act was just as impressive as Matthias’ act⎯ levitation, fortune telling, shadow manipulation, hypnosis and illusions. Wylan watched entranced, trying to see through the tricks, trying to figure out how Nina was pulling it off. He couldn't help it, it was the way he saw the world, always trying to figure out how it worked. 

The show continued with each act being introduced by Kaz⎯ Harshaw and Kuwei with their fire breathing performance, the Bataar twins and their blade act, Alexei and his contortionist show. Wylan watched each of them with rapt attention while his father's face remained impassive, though he didn't think he would've sat through the whole thing if he wasn't enjoying himself at least a little. 

In the middle of Ruby's aerial silks performance, his father cleared his throat. “I need to step outside, Wylan.”

“Oh. Should I come with you, Father?” He asked, though he felt a pang of disappointment at the thought of leaving the show early. 

His father shook his head. “No, stay here and watch the rest of the show. I will meet you by the coach once it’s over.”

Wylan frowned slightly, but still nodded. He tried not to feel hurt that his father didn’t want him there to take care of whatever business he had. He reached for the pin and Wylan froze, worrying for a moment that his father would rip it off, that he regretted giving it to him, but he simply straightened it up.

Then he stood and walked out of the tent just as Kaz stepped into the stage again to announce the next act.

"We are nearing the end of our show but before we send you on your way, here to grace you with his charm and his sharpshooting abilities, Mr. Jesper Fahey!"

Wylan looked back at the stage as a familiar boy waltzed in, fingers drumming the pearl handles of the revolvers at his hips. He had changed his clothes since Wylan saw him outside and now he was dressed in black pants and shirt and a fancy red and gold blazer. His dark skin seemed to glow under the stage lights, and Wylan was positive his eyes were smattered with gold glitter. He looked even more breathtaking now than he did outside the tent.

Jesper's gaze glided over the audience. "Good evening, beautiful people!" He winked and Wylan could have sworn he looked right at him when he did it, causing his face to turn red. He was glad his father had stepped outside, Wylan didn’t need him to see how flustered he was just by seeing Jesper again. "Before we start, does anyone have a cig?" 

Hands went up around the tent. Wylan didn't have one, unfortunately. He didn't even smoke, he just wanted Jesper's attention on him. 

"You! The man with the plaid waistcoat and the excellent taste in clothes!" Jesper said, pointing at a young man that was sitting a couple of seats behind Wylan. "Why don't you join me for a smoke?" 

The man made his way to the stage, pulling out a metal case from his breast pocket and offering a cigarette to Jesper. Wylan didn't know how this was part of the act, but he still couldn't take his eyes off of him as he lit the cigarette and stuck it between his teeth. 

"Why don't _you_ have one?" He told the man, who nodded and lit one up for himself. "Excellent. Now I'm gonna need you to stand over there." 

The man frowned, but stepped away from Jesper. He gestured at him to move further away until he was standing at least thirty feet from him. 

Jesper blew some smoke before grabbing one of his revolvers⎯ and pointing it at the man. A collective gasp went through the room and the man raised his hands, cigarette hanging from his lips. "I wouldn't move if I were you." Jesper said with a wink. 

And then pulled the trigger. 

Wylan jumped. His eyes darted frantically towards the man, expecting to find him on the ground, bleeding. Instead, the man was clapping, the lit cigarette gone from his lips after Jesper shot it from the distance. 

The crowd roared in excitement and Jesper bowed dramatically, basking in the praise. 

He thanked the man for the cigarette, apologized for shooting him and sent him back to his seat. Another boy walked into the stage and Wylan recognized him as one of the fire breathers. He had black hair falling on his forehead, a wide brow and gold eyes. “You already met Kuwei tonight, he will be helping me with the rest of my act,” Jesper set his hand on the boy’s shoulder. “So none of you have to worry about getting shot at.” He snickered. Kuwei was staring up at him with wide starstruck eyes, and Wylan felt a pang of jealousy that he quickly shook off. 

The rest of Jesper’s act was a cross between a daredevil show and a shooting contest. He upped the ante with every shot he took⎯ first it was stationary, then with moving targets, then he did it blindfolded and then, while doing a single handed handstand. Wylan never took his eyes off him, watching the way his fingers moved over his guns, the way his eyes sparkled with excitement every time he pulled the trigger, the way he grinned while squeezing off shots in rapid succession. Wylan had never seen someone look so at ease while shooting stuff. 

He didn’t ask for more volunteers, using Kuwei instead to prove that he could shoot an apple off someone’s head. The boy didn’t seem bothered by being shot at, but Wylan guessed it had something to do with the fact that it was Jesper who was doing the shooting.

Sooner than he would’ve liked, Jesper was wrapping up his act. He ended it by snuffing out a candle with a bullet, leaving the ring in darkness. The lights went on only for Jesper to take one last bow and throw one last wink at the audience before leaving the ring, the crowd cheering after him. 

“And now for our grand finale, please welcome our talented acrobat who will defy gravity with her tightrope act⎯ Inej Ghafa.” Kaz announced as the spotlights were directed upwards where a small figure stepped on a wire stretched between two poles. Wylan immediately looked down, searching for the safety net, but there was nothing there. He felt his entire body tense up as he watched the small girl start walking on air. 

She was halfway across the wire when she stumbled, and Wylan felt the collective intake of air from the crowd during the half second it took her to regain her footing. She twirled around on the rope and started walking backwards with ease until she reached the end of the wire. She crossed it once, twice, three times⎯ on her feet, on her hands, holding a balance pole. She hung from the wire with two hands, then with just one, before pulling herself up again, taking a bow. For Wylan, who struggled to walk a straight line without stumbling, it was amazing to see. 

Once the show was over, she easily climbed down from the platform and all the other performers stepped outside for one final bow while everyone clapped and cheered, and some even threw flowers at the ring. Wylan saw Jesper catch one while blowing kisses at the audience. Before the lights went off, he gave one last wave and Wylan felt a strange disappointment watching him leave, knowing that the chances of ever seeing the handsome sharpshooter again were close to none. 

Soon after that, the big top started to empty out as the audience made their way outside. Wylan was pushed around by the crowd and he stumbled a few times before finally making it through the flap that opened up to the night sky. 

It was dark and there were less people outside than when they arrived. Wylan gripped the strap of his bag tightly as he walked towards where his father and their coach should be waiting, but when he got to the place where he was sure the driver had dropped them off, he didn't see either of them. 

He felt fear bubble up inside him. Did he make a wrong turn somewhere? Did something happen to his father? Did he leave without him?

 _He wouldn't_ , Wylan told himself. He probably got turned around at some point, he just had to find his way again. 

But no matter how hard he tried, his father and the coach were nowhere to be found. 

He ended up in an alley between two tents that he was sure he’d passed before. It was getting darker as midnight neared and Wylan started to worry, but he couldn't bring himself to ask for help. If his father found out that he couldn't do something as simple as finding a coach, it would be just another reason to be embarrassed of him. 

"Do you need help, boy?" 

The voice made him jump. Wylan turned around and saw a scruffy man lurking in the shadows. His grip on the bag tightened. "No, I'm fine." He said, his voice wavering.

The man leered at him and Wylan suppressed a shudder. "That's a pretty pin you got there." His eyes settled on Wylan's chest, on the tie pin that his father had given him. 

He reached for it instinctively, a lump forming in his throat. He was about to get robbed, he could feel it. How would he explain to his father that he lost the pin only a couple of hours after he gave it to him? Maybe he would understand that Wylan had to give it up to save himself. Or maybe he would feel disappointed that his son couldn't even defend himself. 

The man moved on him, cornering Wylan against one of the tents. "I don't⎯ I don't want any trouble." He said, stumbling as he tried to keep the distance between them. “Please, you can take the pin, just leave me alone."

The man shook his head, one of his hands disappearing inside his coat. "Yes, I think I'll take it," He paused and pulled out a knife. Wylan inhaled sharply. "From your dead body."

"You don't want to do this." Wylan said, eyes darting between the man's face and the blade, disturbingly close to his throat. He tried to keep his voice firm. "My father⎯ he's a very powerful man. He won't like it if you kill me."

"Little merchling." The man tsked, shaking his head. "It was your father who sent me to kill you."

"No." Wylan breathed, feeling as if he had been doused with cold water.

It couldn't be.

"You're lying." He shook his head, hair flopping in his eyes. "My father⎯ he wouldn't⎯ no."

The man didn't say anything, only stared at him. But he didn't need to say anything. Wylan's thoughts were racing, but it didn’t matter how much he tried to come to a different conclusion, only one thing made sense. 

His father had sent this man to kill him. 

He dragged Wylan out of the house at night and brought him to one of the worst parts of town. He probably didn't have to take care of business before, he might have slipped away to pay this man beforehand, to point out Wylan in the crowd. He gave Wylan the pin. He wasn't acknowledging Wylan as his son by doing that, he was simply putting a target on his chest. 

"Kill the kid with the ruby tie pin." His father probably told this man, before slipping him a thick roll of money.

How much did he give him? How much was Wylan worth? 

His head started to hurt, the betrayal was almost too much to bear. He wanted to cry and scream, but there was a knife at his throat and a man who wanted to kill him in front of him. He needed to put his emotions aside and think logically. 

"I have money. I'll pay you to let me go." 

The man snorted. "More than what your father gave me?" 

The words stung, but he tried not to let it show. The man couldn't know he was lying or Wylan would be as good as dead. "Yes, I can show you." 

The man's eyes sparkled with interest. Wylan reached into his bag without taking his eyes off the knife. He still had the bag of coin his father gave him, but he didn’t reach for that, he knew it wouldn't be enough to stop the man from killing him so instead, he reached for something else. 

He gripped the small bottle in his hand⎯ and then smashed it against the man's face. 

The man shrieked when the glass shattered and both ink and crystals splattered his face. He stumbled back a couple of steps and Wylan didn't stop to think, he took off running. 

He didn't know where he was going and he didn't know if the man was following him, but he didn't stop long enough to find out. He ran past people, tents and coaches. He thought of asking for help, but if he told someone the truth, would they believe him? And if he lied, they would probably take him back to his father, and then what? It wouldn't be long before he found another way to get rid of Wylan. Going back home wasn't an option. 

But where else could he go? 

All he had was a bag of coin, his flute and paper. 

And the tie pin.

Maybe he could trade it for money or food or a place to stay. 

He reached for it and ripped it off. The last thing he needed was for someone else to recognize it⎯ it was possible that that man wasn't the only person his father had sent after him. 

Wylan looked over his shoulder, he couldn't see anyone following him, but it wasn't safe to stop, he needed to keep running, he needed to⎯

He slammed against something solid. He would've fallen on his back if two strong hands hadn't grabbed his arms. "Saints! Watch where you're going⎯" A familiar voice started, but Wylan's addled brain couldn't place it at first. "Hey, I know you!"

Wylan's stomach dropped. Someone else had found him. They recognized him and they were going to kill him⎯

"You're the cute merchling from before."

Wylan exhaled in relief. He recognized the voice now⎯ it was the sharpshooter. Jesper. He looked up to see him curiously staring down at Wylan. 

"What did you think of the show? Pretty great, yeah?" He asked, completely missing the fact that Wylan had just been running like the devil was after him when he crashed into him until his eyes landed on Wylan’s hand. "Woah, you're bleeding." 

Wylan looked down. His hand was stained with ink and blood. Shards of glass must have embedded in his skin when he smashed the bottle in his attacker's face. "Are you okay?" 

"I⎯" He stopped short, not knowing what to say. Would Jesper believe him? Could he trust him not to hand him over to his father or even _kill_ him for some money? "I’m⎯ someone tried to rob me. They⎯ they had a knife."

Jesper's expression softened and, after one look around to make sure that whoever hurt Wylan wasn't near, he grabbed his wrist and dragged him away. "Come with me, we can get you patched up." 

Wylan knew he should object, he needed to get as far away from this carnival as possible, but with Jesper's protective hand around his wrist and the knowledge of just how great he was at shooting things, Wylan felt safe for the first time since he stepped out of the circus tent. So he let the tall boy guide him behind the big top where Wylan saw several circus wagons and recognized a few of the performers milling around. Jesper led him to one of the caravans, the light inside burning bright, and he knocked on the door. 

“Just one minute!” A cheery voice said from inside. Wylan fidgeted where he stood, he kept glancing over his shoulder, worried that his attacker had followed him there. His entire body buzzed and he wanted to take off and hide, but Jesper kept his hand wrapped around his wrist. The door opened and, over Jesper’s shoulder, Wylan saw the magician from before⎯ Nina. She had changed out of her colorful beaded skirt and into a red silk nightgown and her face had been scrubbed clean, though Wylan could still see specks of glitter on her eyelashes. She arched a perfect eyebrow at Jesper, “Already back from the gambling den? I thought you were feeling lucky tonight.”

“Never made it there. I ran into a distraction⎯ literally, _ran_ into it.” Jesper said, he stepped aside so Wylan was no longer hidden from Nina’s view. 

She gave him a curious once over. “Who's this? He looks way too respectable to be one of your conquests.” 

Jesper sighed. “Sadly, you’re right Nina.” He said, Wylan blushed faintly at the suggestion. “This is⎯ wait what is your name, merchling?”

Nina made a snorting sound. 

Wylan hesitated. He didn't know these people, he didn't know if he could trust them. "I⎯ I'm Wylan. Wylan⎯ Hendricks." He stammered, using his mother's maiden name. Even if he could trust _them,_ he couldn't risk someone else learning who he was. 

"Wylan was mugged after the show and he hurt himself." Jesper explained, showing Nina his bloodied hand. 

She gasped, "Oh, poor thing! Come in, I'll help." She pulled him inside the caravan, Jesper stepping in behind him. The small space smelled strongly like burning sage. “Sit over there.”

Wylan lowered himself on the cushion while she looked around for something. He had seen her do incredible things on stage, and he felt a bit anxious about what she would do to him. Jesper must have sensed it because he crouched next to Wylan and set a big hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay, she will only turn you into a frog if you make her angry.” He said and Wylan couldn’t keep his eyes from widening. Jesper released a bark of laughter. “I’m just messing with you merchling, there’s nothing to worry about. Nina fixes me up all the time.”

“Literally _all the time_.” Nina agreed, kneeling in front of Wylan, holding a wooden box. “The only thing you’re better at than shooting things is getting into brawls and scuffles.” 

Jesper didn’t contradict her. He straightened up and started pacing in the small space, tinkering with Nina’s things. Wylan watched him closely⎯ with his height and build and the revolvers at his hips, he wondered why anyone would want to pick a fight with him. Their eyes met and Wylan quickly looked away, focusing on Nina who was rooting around in her box. It had a handle and several little drawers stuffed with powders and liquids.

She grabbed one of the vials and poured its content in a piece of cloth before grabbing Wylan’s hand. He tensed up instantly. “What is that?” 

“It’s just iodine.”

“Oh.” Wylan shrugged, embarrassed. “I just thought⎯ I saw your act before, I saw what you can do.”

Nina chuckled softly. “Magic is not my only skill, honey.” She winked at him and Wylan flushed, he might not be attracted to her, but he didn’t have much practice with people flirting with him.

“Are all circus stars this⎯” He gestured vaguely between her and Jesper. 

“Charming?” Suggested Nina.

“Gorgeous?” Said Jesper. 

“Flirtatious.” Wylan finished, though he had to admit they were both right. 

They didn’t answer, both simply snickering. Nina reached for his hand again, but this time Wylan let her. She cleaned the ink and the blood as gently as she could, but Wylan still hissed at the burn of the iodine coming in contact with his cuts. 

In the meantime, Jesper had started pacing again, his seemingly limitless energy keeping him constantly in motion and drawing Wylan’s attention to him. He didn’t even notice Nina was done until she stood up and Wylan saw that his cuts were wrapped in clean bandages. 

“It’s not the work of a medic, but it should heal nicely.” Nina said, putting away the contents of her box. 

“You will be playing your fancy piano back home again in no time.” Jesper told him.

“The flute is more my thing.” Wylan corrected without thinking, then a thought hit him. “And I’m not going back home.” Both Nina and Jesper gave him a confused look and Wylan squirmed under their stare. “I ran away, my father⎯” He cut himself off, he could still feel the knife against his throat and hear his attacker’s words, _It was your father who sent me to kill you_. He cleared his throat, “I’m not going back.”

Nina and Jesper exchanged a worried glance. “You’re full of surprises, merchling.” Jesper said gently, and a bit impressed. 

“Where will you go?” Nina asked. 

Wylan didn’t know. He didn’t have a plan, he had hoped to use what little money he had to find a place to spend the night and then go from there. They exchanged another glance⎯ worry _and_ pity. His face heated up in embarrassment and he stood up. “I’m sure I’ll figure something out.” He said, but he wished his voice didn’t sound as shaky as it did, the day’s events were finally catching up with him, but he wouldn’t look weak⎯ _weaker_ in front of them. “Thank you for your help, I’ll go now.”

Jesper moved to stand between him and the door, it was a fast sudden movement and Wylan couldn’t help but flinch slightly. Jesper held his hands up innocently. “You don’t have to leave. You can stay here.”

Wylan studied the caravan, it was small enough that it felt crowded with just the three of them and, other than the bed that he assumed was Nina’s, there wasn’t anywhere for him to sleep. Jesper must have read his mind because he shook his head, “Not here _here_. Here at the circus, with us, at least until you come up with a better plan.”

“And do what?” He asked with a frown.

Jesper shrugged. “I don’t know⎯ play the flute? Dance the minuet?”

“I happen to be an excellent dance partner.” Nina cut in with a gentle smile. 

“We can figure something out.” Jesper said. Wylan bit the inside of his cheek, he didn’t know why they would want to help him, but he knew he was in no position to turn down their help. He nodded and Jesper gave him a winning smile. “Splendid!" 

Nina gave him a stern look. “You need to talk to Kaz first.”

“Kaz Brekker? The ringmaster?” Wylan asked, slightly worried. The boy had seemed so intimidating from afar, he couldn’t imagine having a conversation with him.

“Yes, it’s Kaz who runs things here.” 

“What if he says I can’t stay?” 

“Don’t worry, merchling,” Jesper said, wrapping his arm around Wylan, tucking him against his side. “Not even Kaz Brekker can resist my charms.” Nina didn’t look convinced, but Wylan still relaxed a little. 

* * *

They thanked Nina for her help and bid her goodnight before stepping outside. Wylan let Jesper guide him, his arm still wrapped around him. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed since the show, but it had to be well past midnight already. He didn’t see many people hanging outside the caravans anymore, most of them were probably sleeping. _Kaz_ was probably sleeping, yet they were on their way to see him. Wylan didn’t think he would be happy if they woke him up in the middle of the night, and he worried that it would make Kaz want to kick him to the curb. 

But when they arrived at what he assumed were Kaz’s sleeping quarters, Wylan was surprised to see the light inside was still on. 

“Leave the talking to me, okay merchling?” Jesper spoke into his ear making Wylan jump. He nodded in response and Jesper knocked on the door. 

Almost immediately it opened to reveal Kaz, still in the same suit from before but without the hat. He narrowed his eyes at Jesper, “What did you do this time?”

Jesper gawked at him, the hand that wasn’t hanging from Wylan’s shoulder grasping his chest dramatically. “Why do you assume I did something?”

Kaz quirked an eyebrow at him. “Because the last time you came to me in the middle of the night you were running from Rollins and his men after taking all his money.”

“ _Winning_ all his money. Fair and square.” 

Kaz rolled his eyes, but there was humor in it. “I wouldn’t say fair, you did get him drunk first.”

“Only because _you_ told me his face turns into an open book after a few glasses of whiskey!” Jesper shot back. He was grinning at the memory.

Wylan was surprised to see Kaz’s mouth twitch into the faintest smile. He didn’t seem like the kind of person who smiled easily, but maybe Jesper was right and not even he could resist his charms. 

Then Kaz looked at Wylan and the smile disappeared, replaced by an unreadable expression. Wylan thought he saw a spark of recognition in his eyes, like he knew who Wylan was, like he knew who his father was. He tensed up, expecting Kaz to call him out on his identity, but instead he said, “Who is this?”

Maybe he was wrong. Maybe almost being killed had made Wylan slightly paranoid. 

“This is Wylan Hendricks.” Jesper said, grabbing Wylan by his shoulders. “He wants to join the circus.”

Kaz looked between them, raising an eyebrow. Wylan tried not to shrink back under his stare. “Oh yeah? And what do you do, Wylan _Hendricks_?” 

Maybe he wasn’t paranoid after all. He couldn’t help but notice there was a hint of mockery in the way he said his last name, like he knew Wylan was lying. “I⎯ um. I can⎯”

“We don’t know,” Jesper jumped in with a chuckle. “Yet.” 

Kaz rolled his eyes. This time he didn’t seem amused. “This is a circus, Jes, not a place for merch boys to take a vacation from home.”

Wylan tensed up again, did Kaz guess Wylan was the son of a mercher like Jesper had or did he actually know who he was?

“He has nowhere to go Kaz, same as everyone else here.”

“Everyone else here works for their food and the roof over their heads. We don’t pick up strays, you know that.” Kaz said dismissively. 

Wylan felt anger bubble up inside him⎯ at being discussed like he wasn’t there and compared to an abandoned dog. Before he could remember that Jesper had told him to keep quiet, he snapped, “I’m not a stray! I’m not just some mouth for you to feed, I can work too. Maybe I don’t know how to walk a tightrope or shoot a cigarette from someone’s mouth, but I can earn my keep. I can be a stagehand or help set up tents or tend to the animals.”

Jesper’s hands squeezed his shoulders, whispering his next words so that only Wylan could hear, “Brave little merchling.” That was the only reason he didn’t take a step back when Kaz leveled him with a sharp look. Wylan knew what he was seeing⎯ a short, lanky kid with soft, delicate hands who would probably keel over while trying to lift a hammer above his head. 

But Wylan was more than that. He just hoped Kaz would give him a chance to prove it. 

After studying Wylan for a while, he lifted his gaze to meet Jesper’s eyes. “He’s your responsibility.”

Jesper must have nodded because, without saying anything more, Kaz turned around and went back inside. Wylan simply stood there, blinking at the door until Jesper shook him slightly, laughing.

“That went well!” He said and Wylan whipped his head around to stare disbelievingly at him. He looked genuinely pleased with himself. “I told you there was nothing to worry about!” 

Wylan couldn’t help but let out a surprised chortle of laughter. 

“Okay you heard Kaz, you’re stuck with me.” He said and he didn’t seem the least bit put out by it. “And since you look like you’ve had enough excitement for one night, I think it’s time I take you to bed.” He winked and Wylan choked on his spit, cheeks reddening.

He followed Jesper to his own wagon, walking quickly to match his steps. 

It was the same size as Nina’s, but it felt less crowded with only a bed, a couch and a table inside. And guns. There were guns everywhere⎯ revolvers, rifles, pistols. Wylan had never seen that much firepower in one place. 

He was so focused on them that he didn’t notice Jesper getting undressed until his waistcoat landed at Wylan’s feet. 

His head snapped up just as Jesper finished unbuttoning his shirt and he quickly looked away, the blush returning to his face. “You can take the bed.” Jesper said distractedly while taking off his shoes. Wylan didn’t buy that he didn’t know exactly what he was doing. “It won’t be as comfortable as the four-poster bed back in your mansion, but it’s better than the old lumpy couch.”

“Will you sleep there?”

“Unless you want to share the bed with me.”

He thought that answering with either _yes_ or _no_ would be a mistake, so he settled for, “I don’t think it could fit both of us.”

Jesper smirked. “I’m sure we could make it work.” He said, but he still sat down on the couch. He was down to his underpants and Wylan swallowed, taking in Jesper's smooth, toned dark skin, the muscles in his arms, the curve of his spine. He was having a hard time peeling his eyes away from him, heart hammering in his chest.

He focused on removing his shoes. And when he sat down on the bed, he was careful to keep his attention on a loose thread from the comforter. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“Do what? Give you the bed?” Jesper asked. "I’ve slept on the couch before, I'll live.”

“No, I meant all of this. Help me. Take care of me. Take _responsibility_ of me.” Wylan said, throat closing up. A couple of hours ago he thought he was alone in the world, but Jesper had quickly proved him wrong. 

“Hey, don’t worry about it, merchling.” He said, his voice soft and gentle. 

Wylan opened his mouth to tell him that he would find a way to pay him back, but was interrupted by a yawn. He hadn't realized just how tired he was until now.

Jesper chuckled softly. “You can praise and thank me tomorrow. Right now you need to sleep.”

Wylan wanted to protest, but the prospect of sleep was too tempting. He laid back on the bed, shifting until he was comfortable. “Good night, Jesper.”

“‘Night, merchling.” He said, lowering the light until it was completely dark around them. “Sleep well. You’re safe here. But if you get scared, you can always join me. I'll protect you.” Wylan could hear the wink that came with the words. He was glad Jesper couldn't see him blush. 

Even if he was exhausted, Wylan thought it would take him a while to fall asleep. He was away from home, surrounded by strangers and he had almost died tonight. He didn't think he would be able to feel safe again so soon, but he believed Jesper. 

He closed his eyes and started to drift off right away. He dreamed of acrobats and fire breathers and wild animals. 

He slept better than he had in a long time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ladies and gentleman, your entertainment has arrived!” Jesper announced loudly, causing the three of them to look up. 
> 
> Nina blinked at him in surprise. “You’re early.”
> 
> “I’m right on time.” Jesper said with a snort, pulling back the remaining free chair.
> 
> “That’s early for you.” Inej said, her lips twitching into a tiny smile. “We didn’t expect you for another hour.”
> 
> Jesper shrugged, pointing at Wylan. “This one here is an early riser.”
> 
> Three sets of eyes landed on Wylan and he couldn’t help but shift uneasily. Inej was studying him curiously while Matthias’ face was unreadable. Nina gave him a sweet smile, “Hi, honey! How’s your hand?”
> 
> “Um, it’s good. Thanks to you. It barely hurts anymore.”
> 
> “Nina told us what happened.” Inej said. “I’m sorry someone tried to mug you.”
> 
> “Damn it, Nina.” Jesper groaned, throwing himself on the chair with a dramatic huff. “I wanted to be the one to tell them how I heroically saved Wylan.”
> 
> Wylan wrinkled his nose. “Actually, I saved myself.” He said, and both Inej and Nina chuckled.

Wylan woke up early and confused. 

It took him a moment to recognize his surroundings, and to remember how he’d ended up there. At first he thought last night had only been a terrible nightmare, but then he felt a dull pain in his hand proving that he had in fact fought off the man who tried to kill him yesterday. 

The man his own father had sent after him. 

The realization was like having the knife pressed against his throat again. Wylan shook his head, trying to get rid of that awful feeling and think of something else, but it was all that he could think of while he laid there on Jesper’s bed. 

Jesper.

Somehow, Wylan had forgotten about him. 

He sat up on the bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, and saw him. Jesper was still sleeping, snoring softly with his body bent awkwardly on the couch, his long legs sticking out from beneath a blanket. Wylan felt a little bad to be the reason why Jesper would probably wake up with back pain. Maybe he should have taken him up on the offer to share the bed, though he doubted he would have gotten much sleep that way, knowing that Jesper was lying shirtless next to him. 

Wylan felt his face warm at the thought, and he tore his gaze away from the other boy.

The soft light filtering through the window and the crisp morning air seeping through the blankets told Wylan it was still early, probably not even past six bells. Jesper didn’t seem like he would wake up any time soon and Wylan didn’t want to just sit around and wait for him. He also couldn’t spend the next couple of hours watching Jesper sleep, as tempting as that was. He needed a distraction, something to do. He thought about venturing out on his own, but he quickly dismissed it when he realized he would probably end up getting lost or running into the wrong person. 

So he picked up his bag and pulled out a few rolls of paper and a pen. Drawing was usually a good way to take his mind off of things and it was less likely to get him into trouble. He thought over what he could draw and his thoughts immediately went to last night⎯ his father, the attack, the circus. He forced himself to focus on the last one, bringing the pen down on the paper as he started drawing. His hand bothered him at first, sending flashes of pain up his arm, but he got used to it until he barely felt it anymore.

He had already filled two rolls of paper with rough sketches of what he’d seen last night when a loud whistle startled him, so much that he dropped the pen on the bed. 

“Saints, merchling. You're a delightful sight to wake up to.” Jesper was sitting on the couch, leaning back slightly as his eyes roamed over him. Wylan hadn’t noticed he was no longer wearing his waistcoat or that the top three buttons of his shirt had come undone while he slept, not until Jesper’s eyes lingered on the exposed skin of his collarbone and he bit down on his lip. The intensity of the look made Wylan squirm, his cheeks flushing pink.

“Um. Good morning.” He said, awkwardly running a hand through his curls to try and smooth them down.

“Did you sleep well?” Jesper asked, stretching tiredly.

Wylan nodded, choosing to stare at the floor instead of staring at Jesper and his lean chest. He didn’t think that his heart could handle the sight.

Jesper rolled the kinks out of his neck with a groan. “Good. At least one of us did.” His tone was lighthearted, but Wylan still ducked his head in embarrassment.

“I'm sorry. I should have let you keep the bed.”

He waved him off. “Nonsense, merchling. You were hurt, you needed proper rest.”

Wylan snorted, studying his bandaged hand. “I think my hand would have been fine with me sleeping on the couch.”

Jesper stood up and closed the distance between the couch and the bed in three long strides. His bare chest was right there in front of Wylan. He did his best to keep his eyes down, where Jesper was studying Wylan’s injured hand with a gentle touch. “Does it hurt?”

He shook his head. “I'm fine.”

“You sure are, merchling.” Jesper winked at him. He noticed the sketches in his lap and he let out an appreciative whistle. “Did you draw these?” Wylan nodded sheepishly. “You’re so talented. I look gorgeous!” He let out a gasp, tracing a finger over a sketch of him pointing his gun at a target. 

Wylan flushed red, rubbing the back of his neck. “I⎯ I didn’t have to do much. You’re⎯ you know.” He said, gesturing vaguely at Jesper. 

He gave Wylan an amused smile. “No, I don’t. You’re gonna have to tell me.”

Wylan hesitated. He didn’t know how to flirt, something that seemed to come so naturally to Jesper. So he settled for simply stating the truth. “Fine, you’re⎯ you’re very good-looking.”

Silence.

He waited a moment, then lifted his eyes to see Jesper staring at him. The grin he gave Wylan was definitely worth the embarrassment he was feeling. “I wasn’t just looking for a compliment, you know,” he said, and Wylan was grateful for the change in subject. Jesper looked down at the sketches again, “These are amazing.”

“It’s too bad that these can't be my act.” Wylan said with a humorless laugh. 

“Don't worry, merchling. We'll just have to find something else those pretty hands can do.” He said, dropping Wylan's hand to pick up a bright yellow shirt and put it on. “But first. Breakfast.”

Wylan's stomach grumbled at the mention of food. He didn’t realize how hungry he was until now, which made sense, considering the last time he ate was before his father dragged him out of the house yesterday.

“I think your stomach agrees.” Jesper laughed, buttoning up his shirt. Wylan did the same, and then he reached for his waistcoat, but Jesper stopped him. “Lose the waistcoat. As delectable as you look in it, it's way too nice for where we're going.”

Wylan shrugged it off, a blush creeping across his cheeks. “Where are we going?”

“Our favorite breakfast place in Ketterdam. We like to go the day after a show,” Jesper paused. “And the day before. _And_ every day in between. They serve the best waffles.” He grabbed his coat and picked up a scarf, which he gave to Wylan. “Here, wear this instead.”

He helped Wylan wrap it around his neck. It smelled like Jesper, a mix of gunpowder and smoke. He really liked it.

And based on the way Jesper was staring at him, so did he. 

“What?”

“You look good in my clothes, that's all.” He winked. Wylan hid his blushing face behind the scarf. 

Jesper grabbed his revolver and secured it at his hip, heading for the door. “Do you take your revolvers everywhere?” Wylan asked, picking up his bag and following him.

“Yup.” He said, touching a hand to his gun. “Why? Do they make you nervous?”

His jaw jutted forward, defiantly. “No. I've fired a gun before, you know.”

“Really?” His eyebrows shot up and he grinned. “Perhaps you could teach me a thing or two." They exited the circus camp and entered the city.

Wylan was trying to keep up with Jesper, but the boy's long legs gave him an advantage. “Please. I saw you last night, you could teach me more than I could teach you.”

The grin on Jesper’s face turned devious. “You're probably right. I have many, many skills I'd love to share with you.”

Wylan's mouth went dry. He cleared his throat, trying to hide how flustered he was. “You have a terrible one-track mind.”

Jesper simply laughed, wrapping an arm around Wylan and guiding him through the streets.

* * *

They arrived at a tavern and Jesper led them straight to a table in the back. Nina was sitting there, draped over a big blond that Wylan recognized as the beast tamer, Matthias. Across from them, he also saw the acrobat girl, Inej, sitting cross legged on her chair. 

“Ladies and gentleman, your entertainment has arrived!” Jesper announced loudly, causing the three of them to look up. 

Nina blinked at him in surprise. “You’re early.”

“I’m right on time.” Jesper said with a snort, pulling back the remaining free chair.

“That’s early for you.” Inej said, her lips twitching into a tiny smile. “We didn’t expect you for another hour.”

Jesper shrugged, pointing at Wylan. “This one here is an early riser.”

Three sets of eyes landed on Wylan and he couldn’t help but shift uneasily. Inej was studying him curiously while Matthias’ face was unreadable. Nina gave him a sweet smile, “Hi, honey! How’s your hand?”

“Um, it’s good. Thanks to you. It barely hurts anymore.” 

“Nina told us what happened.” Inej said. “I’m sorry someone tried to mug you.”

“Damn it, Nina.” Jesper groaned, throwing himself on the chair with a dramatic huff. “I wanted to be the one to tell them how I heroically saved Wylan.”

Wylan wrinkled his nose. “Actually, I saved myself.” He said, and both Inej and Nina chuckled. 

Jesper gave him an offended look, but his eyes sparkled with amusement. “I thought we were friends, merchling.”

“Ignore him.” Nina said, rolling her eyes at Jesper, who stuck his tongue out at her. “Come on, sit. We were just about to order.”

Matthias stood up abruptly and Wylan flinched, falling back a couple of steps. Matthias froze, staring at Wylan after his sudden reaction. _He’s not going to hurt you_ , Wylan thought to himself, and repeated the words in his head until he relaxed. The other three were also staring at him, worried looks on their faces. Wylan turned red, he hadn’t realized he was still feeling slightly on edge after last night until now.

Keeping his movements slow, Matthias rounded the table. “I’ll get you a chair.” He said, and Wylan wished he could disappear, his face burning with embarrassment. 

Nina loudly cleared her throat. “Hey Inej, do you think I should get waffles or pancakes?” 

“Oh, both. Definitely both.” Inej said, leaning across the table to talk to Nina, even if she didn’t need to. 

“I like the way you think.” Nina said, and together they looked over the menu trying to choose what Inej should order. Wylan knew that they were doing it so that the attention was no longer on him and he was grateful for that. 

He felt someone tugging at his sleeve. Jesper was staring up at him with gentle eyes. “Are you okay?” 

Wylan bit his lip and nodded. “I think I’m still nervous from last night.”

Jesper gave him an understanding smile. “I might not have saved you last night, but I’m here now.” He winked. “I’ll protect you from that big blond lump.” Wylan snorted, but he felt less mortified. “Not that you have anything to worry about, he might be built like a tank, but he’s harmless.”

“I can harm you plenty, Fahey.” Matthias said, appearing behind them with a chair. Jesper tilted his head back to grin at him, not at all intimidated by his scowl. Though Wylan guessed that was just how his face looked, because when he pushed the chair towards him, the scowl was still there. “There you go, Wylan.”

“Thank you.” He said in a quiet voice, pushing the chair between Jesper and Inej. 

Matthias returned to his seat and Nina gravitated towards him, leaning her head on his shoulder. His face immediately softened. Apparently, Nina was the only exception to that scowl.

Wylan had just relaxed in his chair when Inej handed him a menu with a smile. He felt his stomach sink when he realized that he was supposed to read it, right there in front of everyone. He accepted it with what he hoped was a convincing smile, but when he looked down at it, his face fell. He had no trouble with numbers and prices, but the names were meaningless scrawls, the letters a tangle in front of his eyes. He tried to remain calm, he could just ask for pancakes or waffles, they must be on the menu since Nina was talking about them, but what if the server asked for specifics? What if he asked Wylan to point it out on the menu? _They will know. And they will laugh at you._ A voice in his head said, and it sounded suspiciously like his father. 

No, they wouldn’t. Jesper wouldn’t. 

He didn’t realize he was shaking his head and frowning at the menu until Jesper nudged him with his arm. “I know you’re used to rich mercher fare, but I promise the food here is good enough.” 

“Oh, I’m not⎯ I wasn’t⎯” Wylan shook his head, then he asked as casually as he could, “Is there something you recommend?” He didn’t have anything to worry about though, Jesper didn’t give him any weird looks or told him to figure it out himself, instead he grabbed the menu and pointed at his favorite options, describing each of them to him. Soon Nina cut in, telling Wylan that Jesper had terrible taste and that he shouldn’t listen to him, giving him a few options herself, while Matthias and Inej nodded or shook their heads at their suggestions.

The knot in Wylan’s stomach loosened and he relaxed, listening to them argue about whether waffles tasted better topped with strawberries or chocolate syrup, a warm feeling spreading through him. It was hard to make friends when you were locked away in your house and he had long given up the idea of ever having any. But sitting here with them, Wylan thought that maybe he wouldn’t have to. 

He was careful to listen to the prices, knowing he needed to be careful not to spend what little money he had, before he could figure out what to do next. 

It turned out he didn’t need to worry about that either. When the server girl came to take their orders and Wylan reached into his satchel to grab a few coins, Jesper stopped him. “Breakfast is on me.” He told him with a wink.

“Oh, are you buying breakfast for all of us too?” Nina asked with a smirk, staring between them.

“Sorry, gorgeous.” Jesper said with a smirk, throwing an arm around Wylan. “I’m just trying to win Wylan over, convince him to stay after your boyfriend almost scared him off.” 

Nina pouted her lips and Matthias placed a hand on her thigh. “I’ll buy you breakfast.” He said, and she instantly brightened. 

Inej snorted after a moment. “Well, I appreciate both of your offers,” she began with a sarcastic tone. “But I will be buying my _own_ breakfast.” She finished, smirking at the two couples. 

Wylan shook his head. Jesper and him were not a couple. Jesper was only being nice to him, probably because he felt bad for him. Wylan really should stop reading too much into everything he said or did. 

The food came and Wylan had to stop himself from finishing his waffles in one single bite. He was _starving._ It wasn’t like anything the cooks back at the Van Eck residence made for him, it was better, and Wylan savored every delicious bite. 

Nina and Jesper started talking about the show from last night, discussing what they would do differently in the next one in a couple of days, with Inej jumping in occasionally while Matthias seemed content to eat in silence. Wylan was too, watching them joke and laugh like old friends.

“You didn’t tell me how you convinced Kaz to let Wylan stay.” Nina said, after taking another forkful of pancakes. 

“I wish I could take the credit, but it was actually Wylan who convinced him.” Jesper said, knocking their knees together. “It was really impressive.”

Wylan shrugged, his face heating. “I just told him I could help with the tents or the animals or something else.”

“And in the meantime, we can try to find you an act.” Jesper pursed his lips, stroking his chin. “Tell me, how do you feel about Nina cutting you in half?”

Wylan’s eyes widened, and both Nina and Jesper laughed. Inej leaned closer to him, her small hand falling on his arm. “Don’t worry, we’ll help you find something that’s perfect for you.”

He returned her smile. He found himself actually believing her. 

* * *

Once they finished their breakfast, they walked back to the circus grounds. Nina and Matthias walked ahead, while Jesper, Wylan and Inej walked together behind them. A few times, Wylan looked to his right only to find that Inej was no longer there. Jesper noticed his confused frown and chuckled, “She does that. She likes slipping away and then sneaking up on you without you noticing.” 

And he was right, a few minutes later she was back, though Wylan couldn’t say exactly when she returned. 

They arrived at the circus camp, which was buzzing with activity⎯ people practicing their acts, cooking, stringing up wet clothes to dry in the sun. Many waved at them as they walked by. 

Then a little boy, one of the jugglers, Wylan remembered, walked up to them. “Jesper, Kaz wants to see you.”

Jesper scrunched up his face. “Did he say why?”

“Nope.”

“Of course he didn’t.” Jesper huffed. “Okay, thanks Misha.” The boy nodded and ran away. 

“Do you think it's about me?” Wylan asked, stomach twisting unpleasantly at the thought of Kaz changing his mind and sending him away. 

Jesper put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it in comfort. “Definitely not. He probably just needs me to find him a new hat.”

“He has me for that.” Inej said suddenly. Wylan tried not to jump in surprise again. 

“Then maybe he needs me to polish his shoes.”

Wylan didn’t believe him, but he still nodded. “Should I wait for you in your wagon?” He asked, not knowing what to do with himself without Jesper.

But before he could answer, Matthias cut in. “Or you could come with me, help me tend the animals.” 

Wylan bit the inside of his cheek, remembering the wild animals from the show. The wolves with their massive jaws, the wildcat with its sharp claws, even the horses that could easily trample him to death. He would rather wait for Jesper in his quarters, but he'd told Kaz he would make himself useful. He didn't want to give him any reason to kick him out, so he nodded at Matthias. 

“I’ll come find you as soon as I’m done with Kaz.” Jesper told him, his fingers playing with the scarf around Wylan’s neck. Then to Matthias he said, “If one of your wolves eats him, Helvar, I’ll shave your head in your sleep.” And with one last touch to the gun at his hip and one last look at Wylan, he turned on his heels and left. 

Nina sidled over to Wylan, throwing an arm around him. She wasn’t as tall as Jesper or Matthias, but Wylan still felt tiny next to her. Only Inej was shorter than him. He looked around, she seemed to have disappeared again. “Don’t worry, Wylan. I’ll protect you.”

Matthias snorted. “How? You refuse to go anywhere near the cages.” He said, his voice taking on that fond, almost gentle tone that he had when he talked to Nina. 

She made a face at him. “I don’t like getting fur on my clothes.” Nina shrugged. Wylan couldn’t care less about his clothes, except maybe Jesper’s scarf, he was more worried about becoming wolf chum.

Even so, he let Nina steer him towards the black tent where the wild animals were kept.

He kept his distance from the cages while Matthias greeted each of them. This time the animals didn't growl or snarl at him, and Wylan wondered if some of what he saw last night was staged. They seemed to like Matthias and he certainly seemed to like _them._ He looked so much more relaxed among his creatures, talking to them in a language Wylan didn’t recognize and treating them like they were his own children. 

“If you’re going to help, you will need to get closer than that.” He said, waving him over. 

Wylan sent Nina a worried look and she gave him a little push. He followed Matthias around as he went about his work, making sure all the animals were fed and cared for. He didn’t look like he needed help, easily carrying buckets of water and food without breaking a sweat, but he still let Wylan pitch in.

“Where do they come from?” He asked, watching as Matthias knelt next to the wildcat in its cage. It wasn’t the same one from the show, this one looked more frightened of them than Wylan was of him. Now that he thought about it, there were more animals in the tent than he remembered seeing yesterday. “The animals?”

“Most of them are rescues from other circuses, animal traffickers, illegal breeders.” Matthias explained, reaching down and stroking the wildcat’s head. He eyed him wearily, but still allowed it. “Some of them had never been allowed outside their cages their entire lives.”

Wylan swallowed thickly. _I know the feeling_ , he thought. Before yesterday he thought he would never be allowed outside again. “It must be hard,” he said, chewing on the inside of his cheek, “getting them to trust you after they were hurt.”

It certainly was for him. After your father, the person who was supposed to protect you, tries to kill you, the idea of trusting anyone again was unlikely.

Matthias gave him a thoughtful look. “You just have to show them that you won’t hurt them, even if they hurt you.”

He moved on to the next cage, where two of the wolves from last night slept soundly on the floor. The third one, the white wolf, was awake and he padded over to them. He noticed a long scar across his muzzle that he didn’t see last night. It made him look scarier. Wylan kept his distance. 

“This one is Trassel.” Matthias said, the white wolf was lapping at his fingers through the bars. Wylan relaxed slightly, he didn’t look as intimidating now, but then Matthias said, “The first time I met him he bit my arm.”

Wylan stepped back. 

“He’s a friend now. He won’t hurt you.” Matthias said quickly, Wylan couldn't help but feel like there was a hidden meaning behind those words. _He won't hurt you, and neither will I._ “When I found him he was no more than a pup, but he already had that scar on his face after a couple of kids hurt him with a broken bottle. He didn’t trust people anymore, the breeders were thinking of putting him down, they warned me not to open the cage.”

“Did you open it?”

“Yes, and he immediately lunged forward and bit me.”

Wylan’s gaze fell on Trassel’s teeth, he couldn’t imagine how painful it would be to have them sink into his skin. “What did you do?”

“Nothing.” Matthias said. “I wanted to struggle, to break my arm free but I refused to hurt him. Eventually he let go, once he understood he could trust me, that he didn’t have to worry about anyone else hurting him again.”

Before Wylan could think about what to say, Matthias was opening the cage and he was letting out an embarrassing squeal.

The other two wolves stirred awake, and the three of them started moving towards the door, towards him and Matthias. He couldn't help but imagine those huge jaws tearing into his throat, their claws ripping through his skin, his father would actually get his wish when Wylan was mauled to death by a pack of wolves⎯

Then Matthias clicked his tongue and they skittered to a halt, sitting back on their paws obediently. Matthias smiled, it was probably the only time Wylan had seen him smile at something that wasn't Nina. He muttered a few words in that unknown language and they dropped to the ground, expectant. 

“Grab that gallon of water while I get the food.” Matthias said. He left the door of the cage wide open, but the wolves didn't move an inch. 

Wylan did as he was told. Still keeping an eye on the wolves, he picked up the gallon of water. He refilled their water bowls while Matthias tossed pieces of raw meat at them. He watched them devour it with a proud expression. Wylan felt slightly uneasy, but the wolves never tried to hurt him. Whether it was because Matthias was there or because they liked Wylan, he didn’t know. He was just happy that he didn’t have to let them bite him to earn their trust.

* * *

Wylan quickly lost track of time. By the time Jesper came to find him, he was almost completely at ease around the animals. His favorite were the horses. When he was younger, his father used to take him and his mother to the Van Eck lake house, where Wylan learned how to ride a horse. It had been years since that happened, but Wylan still remembered how free he had felt, the wind hitting his face and messing up his hair. He still kept a careful distance between him and their back legs while he changed their water, but they weren't nearly as intimidating as the wolves. 

He was brushing their hair when Jesper sauntered into the tent. 

“How did it go with the big bad wolf?” 

Wylan shrugged. “They’re not that bad, none of them bit me.”

“Actually I was talking about Matthias, but I’m glad no one got to take a bite out of you before I could.” Jesper said playfully, leaning on the stable door. 

Wylan kept his eyes on his hand as he moved the brush through the horse’s hair, feeling his cheeks pink up. 

“Are you almost finished here?” Jesper asked.

He nodded. “Beth here is the last one.” He rubbed the horse’s neck and she neighed happily. 

“Look at you, merchling.” He said with a cheeky grin. “Perhaps you can replace Matthias as our beast tamer. You're certainly cuter.” He winked. 

Wylan ducked his head, his curls flopped in front of his face and he hoped they were enough to hide his blush. “I would need to be able to go near the wolves to do that, or the wildcats. I’m only comfortable around the horses for now. I used to go horseback riding at my father’s lake house.”

Jesper tapped his chin with his finger. “I've never been horseback riding. Or to a fancy lake house.” He shrugged, then he gave Wylan a thoughtful look. “Maybe you can take me someday.” He batted his eyelashes at him, making his grey eyes sparkle. Wylan entertained the idea of taking Jesper to the Van Eck lake house for a second. They could ride together, with Jesper holding on to him, and make their way to the lake. Jesper could swim in the water while Wylan sat on the shore, drawing the landscape⎯ and maybe him. He wished he could make it happen, but he could never risk going anywhere near his father again.

Fortunately, he didn’t need to tell Jesper that, because Matthias walked over to them after securing the last cage. “I would never trust you with my horses.” He told Jesper with a grunt, who rolled his eyes at him.

“You're no fun, Helvar.”

He ignored Jesper, turning to give Wylan an approving nod. “Thank you for your help today, Wylan.”

“Oh, I don't think I did much⎯”

“You did.” Matthias assured him. “The animals definitely liked you.”

“Of course they did.” Jesper jumped in, winking at Wylan. “What's there not to like?”

Wylan pretended not to hear him, but his cheeks still pinked up. He said to Matthias, “I liked them too.”

And he was surprised to realize that he meant it. He had enjoyed taking care of them, even if he had to keep reminding himself that the animals weren’t going to hurt him. It was a lot like being around Jesper and the others, after his father had made it so hard for him to trust anyone.

“You're welcome to come help anytime”. Matthias said, lips curling up almost imperceptibly. Wylan nodded and watched him turn around and join Nina by the entrance. She gave them a cheery wave and they left the tent, holding hands. 

“You definitely charmed more than just the animals, merchling.” Jesper said when it was just them. “I don't think I've ever seen Matthias smile at anyone but Nina before.” 

Wylan continued brushing Beth's hair, a pleased smile curling along his lips. “I'm just glad I found a way to earn my spot.”

Jesper sighed, throwing himself dramatically over the stall door. “It's a shame though.” Wylan raised an eyebrow at him and he continued with a smirk, “I was hoping you would give being an acrobat a try. I really wanted to see you in one of those skin-tight fabric suits, swinging through the air.”

 _As if_ , Wylan thought. He wasn’t sure he would even be able to climb one of the poles without falling down. “You overestimate my abilities.” He said, trying to fight off the blush that crept up on his face at the implication of Jesper wanting to see him in tight clothes. It was too much for him. “I would end up with a broken neck, and then you would be disappointed.”

“You could never disappoint me, merchling.” Jesper said without missing a beat. Wylan’s heart fluttered, but the words also made his stomach churn. Sure he could disappoint him. It would only take Wylan telling him all about his defects to change his mind. It was certainly enough to change his father’s. 

He was grateful that Jesper didn’t insist on Wylan trying out his luck at the tightrope or the swings, instead, he showed him around the circus grounds where most of the performers were meandering around. He was slightly nervous about meeting new people, worried that someone might recognize him and expose him, but luckily no one did. Jesper introduced him as the 'cutest new addition to their crew', and flustered as he felt, Wylan was relieved when he was welcomed by everyone. Some of them asked him if he had an act, but once Wylan stammered out that ‘he didn’t, not yet’, they dropped it, not questioning why he was there. A few of them told Jesper they could use an extra hand during the shows, and he quickly volunteered Wylan. He was nervous, but they explained that they only needed him to move props in and out of the ring between acts which sounded easy enough. ‘You might end up finding something that you like,’ Jesper said, and even if Wylan doubted he could join any of the acts he had seen, he figured it was worth a try. 

“How did _you_ come up with your act?” Wylan asked as they made their way through the caravans. 

“I’ve always been a good shot. Before I joined the circus I would earn so much money taking bets from people⎯ ‘I bet you can’t shoot that bottle from thirty feet away’, ‘I bet you can’t hit the mark with your eyes closed’. Granted I would spend the money faster than I would win it,” Jesper shrugged his shoulders, “but it earned me a reputation, the fastest hand with a gun you’ve ever seen. Then Kaz found me and offered me a spot on the crew. At first, I didn’t think I could actually make an act out of shooting things, so I tried pretty much everything, juggling, hand balancing, I even dressed up as a clown once or twice. He finally convinced me⎯ actually, he threatened to kick me out if I kept wasting my talent. I hate saying Kaz was right, but for some reason, people actually pay to see me shoot stuff.”

Wylan gave a small shrug. “I would have pay to see you dressed as a clown so I⎯ um, I think it has more to do with just seeing _you_.” His face turned red when he got the words out.

Jesper’s face broke into a big grin. “Oh merchling!” He gasped, pretending to swoon and making Wylan blush even harder. “You never have to pay to see me ever again. I’ll give you as many private shows as you want.” 

He tried to fight off a stupid smile. “A private show? I feel special.” He said with a snort, but he did feel a little special.

They wandered around for a while until they heard someone cursing in what had to be at least three different languages. They followed the sound and saw it belonged to one of the fire breathers from the night before, the one who also assisted Jesper in his act. Wylan thought that his name was Kuwei. 

He was holding a lit torch in front of him and they saw him direct a mouthful of fuel in a forceful spray over the flame. The result was a pillar of fire so big it made Wylan take a step back. It was impressive, but it didn’t seem to be what Kuwei was aiming for. As soon as the fire was extinguished he was back to muttering curses under his breath. 

“Why the sour face, Kuwei? Did you swallow some of that fuel?” Jesper said, raising an eyebrow at the kid, who hadn’t noticed them until then. Wylan thought he saw a slight blush appear on his face when he spotted Jesper. 

Then his face pulled into a frown. “I’m trying something new, but it’s not working.” 

“That looked alright to me. Bright, orange, hot.”

Kuwei let out a frustrated groan. “That’s the problem.” He said with a pinched face. “It’s supposed to be blue not orange, though right now I would settle for some faint blueish sparks.” 

“Oh.”

“I’ve tried all I could think of.” He began to ramble, eyebrows knitting in a frown. “But nothing I add seems to do the trick. Maybe I should start experimenting with the fuel instead. I’ve been using paraffin like I always do, but perhaps I could use something else. I’m running out of ideas though and Harshaw is no help at all⎯”

“Have you tried adding copper chloride?”

Wylan only realized he had spoken out loud when both Jesper and Kuwei turned to look at him. He shifted nervously, he never meant to speak up. 

“I'm sorry, I just thought⎯ if you want blue flames you should use copper chloride. It’s used in tanneries as a mordant for dyeing and printing textiles so it should be easy to find⎯” He trailed off and rubbed the back of his neck. With any luck, they would forget he said anything. 

Kuwei narrowed his eyes at him. “How do you know it will work?”

“I've done it myself. I was using a chemical burner instead of fuel that came out of my mouth but,” he shrugged. “It should work the same.”

Jesper whistled, grinning at him. “Cute _and_ a genius! You’re full of surprises, merchling.”

Wylan bit his lip, preening under Jesper’s compliments and attention. “I’ve just always liked chemistry.” It was the only class that he wasn’t completely useless at. Formulas and equations made sense to him, even if words didn’t. Too bad his father didn’t think it was proper for a merchant’s son to know more about chemistry than commerce. 

“It’s a good thing we have plenty.” Jesper murmured, and as ridiculous it was, it made Wylan chuckle. 

They were interrupted by Kuwei clearing his throat. His eyes darted between him and Jesper, but it was impossible to read his expression. If he was going to say something about them, he changed his mind at the last second. Instead, he cocked his head to the side, eyes sparkling with interest. “Do you happen to know anything about low flash points fuels?” 

Wylan did, and the two of them got into a heated discussion about whether paraffin or lamp oil was the better fuel. Jesper watched them with an amused expression as they enthusiastically talked about lighting things on fire. Kuwei told him that he would try to get his hands on the copper chloride, and Wylan promised to try to come up with ideas for multiple colored flames before parting ways. He was still thinking about it, making a list of chemicals that he could use in his head when he felt an arm slung around his shoulders. 

He looked up and saw Jesper staring down at him with a soft smile. “What?”

He squeezed Wylan’s arm. “Nothing. You look cute when you’re thinking about lighting things on fire, that’s all.”

“You say I look cute no matter what I’m doing.”

“True, but you’re particularly adorable when you’re muttering about chemicals under your breath.” Jesper winked, Wylan felt the usual blush creeping over his cheeks. “I didn’t expect you to know so much about science. I thought your father would have only taught you about the prices of sugar and wheat like the merchling you are.”

Wylan frowned, slipping away from under Jesper’s arm. He knew Jesper didn’t mean it like that, but he had heard his father’s criticism against him far too often to not hear echoes of it in what Jesper was saying. He absolutely hated how he couldn’t seem to get away from his father. It didn’t matter what Wylan did, somehow he still managed to torment him. “He didn’t like it, that’s for sure.”

Jesper gave him a curious look, like he wanted to ask more about Wylan’s father, but he shook his head like he knew it was a bad idea and said, “Well, I do.”

“What?”

“I really like how smart you are.” 

Wylan blinked up at him. _Smart? Me?_ If it had been anyone else calling him that, Wylan would have thought they were mocking him, but he could tell by the way Jesper was looking at him that he meant it. 

“Oh, um. Thank you, I⎯” _I like how kind you are. I like how much you flirt with me. I like how I feel around you_. Wylan meant and wanted to say each of those things, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Not yet. He gave him a shy smile instead. “I’m happy that you like it.”

His breath got caught in his throat when Jesper raised his hand to brush a strand of his hair away from his forehead. “I really do.” He whispered, stepping closer to Wylan and nearly causing him to stop breathing from the sheer proximity between them. 

But the moment was interrupted when they heard loud laughter, followed by two kids carrying balloon animals running past them, nearly knocking Wylan over and forcing them to take a step back from each other.

* * *

Wylan kept thinking about that moment for hours.

They met up with Nina and Inej for supper and even while he was talking to them, he couldn’t help but wonder if Jesper had been thinking about kissing him in that moment. Wylan definitely had been. There was a part of him that was glad nothing had happened. It was the same part of him that couldn’t help but think this was all temporary, that he wouldn’t be able to hide in the circus forever. That part knew how hard it would be to say goodbye to Jesper, especially if something were to happen between them. 

The other part of him really wished Jesper had kissed him and made him forget about all of that.

They said goodnight to the girls and returned to Jesper’s quarters when it was dark outside. Wylan was nervous about being alone with him again after what had happened, but he quickly relaxed when Jesper did nothing but sit down on the couch to clean his gun. Wylan pulled out his art supplies and finished a sketch he had started that morning, the one of Jesper during his show last night. He tried his best to perfect the tilt of his head as he aimed, the thrill in his eyes as he pulled the trigger, the satisfied smirk when he hit the target. He was so focused on capturing how the glitter on his cheekbones looked under the bright stage lights that he jumped when Jesper spoke up. 

“So what do you say?” He asked, putting away his revolver and starting to get ready for bed, which meant shrugging off his shirt. Wylan quickly looked away. “Do you think you can give up the sweet mercher life so you can slum it with us sobs in the circus?”

“You're not that bad.” Wylan chuckled softly. “And you are definitely better company than my boring tutors.”

Jesper tried to fit his long limbs into the small couch. Wylan had told him earlier that he was okay with sleeping there tonight, but Jesper said there was no way he was taking the bed. Not unless he was going to be in it. Wylan should’ve expected him to say something like that. He winked. “You know I can teach you more too.”

Wylan sighed. “There's that one-track mind again.” 

Jesper threw his head back with a laugh. “Get your mind out of the gutter, merchling! I was talking about making a proper circus star out of you.” He said, though the glint in his eyes told Wylan that wasn't at all what he meant. “Just because you're staying backstage for now, doesn't mean you can't learn how to walk a tightrope.”

He snorted. “I think I have a better shot at learning how to swallow a sword.” The words had just left his mouth when Jesper started laughing uncontrollably. 

“I’m⎯ All saints, Wylan.” He wheezed between bursts of laughter. “I’m⎯ yeah, I’m not going to say anything about that.” 

Wylan’s face felt like it was on fire. “Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything!”

“You didn’t need to!”

Jesper snickered. He winked at Wylan before turning down the lamp. “Alright, alright. Goodnight, merchling.”

Wylan grumbled back an embarrassed ‘goodnight’ before laying down. His head had just touched the pillow when he heard Jesper say, “We will find a sword for you to swallow tomorrow.” 

He might not have Jesper’s perfect aim, but he still managed to hit him with his pillow even in the dark before they both fell asleep.

* * *

Wylan was up early again the next morning. This time because of a nightmare. He hadn't been able to go back to sleep afterwards, unable to stop thinking about it. He had been back at the alley, a knife pressed against his throat, only this time it was his father who was trying to kill him, but not before reminding Wylan of all the reasons why he wanted him dead. He could still hear his voice in his head, and the silence of the wagon didn’t do anything to help drown it out.

Jesper was still asleep, and probably would be for a while. Drawing a few more sketches wouldn’t be enough to ignore his thoughts when they were being so loud, so Wylan put on his shoes and slipped out of the wagon, trying to keep quiet so as to not wake Jesper up.

It was eerily silent outside, most of the performers were probably still sleeping in their own quarters. Wylan wandered around for a while, until he walked around a tent and found someone familiar. 

Inej was sitting on the ground, in front of a small fire that was being used to boil water. Wylan thought he was being quiet as he approached, but after taking one step, she looked up, sensing his presence. 

“Wylan! You really are an early riser.” She said with a sweet smile. “Is Jes still asleep?”

He nodded, sitting down next to her. “I didn't want to wake him up. I thought I could take a walk.”

“Would you like some tea?” Inej asked, and he nodded again. She poured tea into a tin cup and offered him a biscuit. “They're not waffles but,” she gave a little shrug. “They're still good.”

“Thank you.” Wylan said, sipping on his tea. It was sweet with a hint of mint, and the warmth was perfect against the slight chill in the air. “Are you always up so early?”

“Usually, yes. I enjoy the quiet and watching the sun rise.” She said, staring up into the sky. “Sometimes, I climb to the top of the bigger tent so I can have a better view.”

Wylan turned his head around to stare at the big circus top, imagining Inej climbing to the highest spot. That alone made him feel dizzy. “I don't think I could have joined you if you did.”

“Do you not enjoy heights?”

He shook his head. “They make me nervous.” 

She gave a small shrug. “I prefer high places. Everything seems more clear up there. Troubles and problems get smaller and smaller the higher I get.” 

Wylan wondered just how high he would have to climb for his problems to go away⎯ probably higher than even Inej ever could. “I could use some of that.”

“I could teach you. We could perform together.” She gave a little waggle to her eyebrows. “I’m sure Jesper would like that.”

He felt his face burn. “It’s not like that⎯” he began, spluttering nervously. “I could never do what you do.”

“Everything that can be learned can be taught, Wylan.”

“Who taught you?”

“My parents, my siblings. I come from a family of acrobats. I learned how to walk a tightrope as soon as I could stand on my own two feet. When I was six years old I was already able to do it without a net.”

“That’s impressive.” Wylan raised his eyebrows in surprise, then he let out a snort. “When I was six years old, I was learning how to play the flute. And I wasn’t even good back then.”

Inej chuckled. “I endured plenty of falls myself, but my father never let me give up.”

“My mother didn’t either.” He said with a sad smile, staring down at the tin cup in his hands. “She was the one who taught me, she loved music and painting. Even when my father wanted me to stop, saying it wasn’t proper for me to know these things, she kept practicing with me. I was never as good as her, but she always said she liked listening to me.” He cleared his throat, already feeling a lump forming there. His father didn’t like talking about Wylan’s mother, and having spent all those years locked away, he hadn’t had the chance to talk to anyone about her in a long time. 

Inej’s hand covered Wylan’s where it rested in his lap. “My father loved watching me perform. Now everytime I make a climb or walk the rope, I think of him, I think of them.” She gave his hand a light squeeze. Wylan looked up, her smile was also a little sad. He didn’t know what had happened to her family or how she ended up away from them, but the way she talked about them, Wylan couldn’t help but think she understood exactly how he felt about his own mother. Just like Inej, whenever he played music or drew something, Wylan thought of her. 

She poured him another cup of tea and they split another biscuit between them. She shared a few more stories about her family and Wylan returned the favor, telling her more about Marya. She never asked what happened to him or question why he never mentioned his father, and Wylan didn’t ask what happened to her own family. It was nice, and Wylan was really glad he had found Inej.

* * *

It was a few hours later when someone else found them.

“There you are!” 

Wylan jumped at the voice, turning his head around to find Jesper walking towards them. He couldn't help but smile at the green checkered shirt and red suspenders he was wearing.

Jesper was grinning right back at him. “I thought you got tired of me and snuck away in the middle of the night.” He told Wylan, throwing himself on the ground next to him and reaching for a biscuit. 

“Of course not. I just didn't want to wake you.”

“Feel free to do it next time. I’d much rather wake up to the sight of you.” Jesper said, he was focused on pouring himself some tea, missing the way Wylan's cheeks turned a vibrant pink. 

Inej didn't, and she failed to hide her chuckle behind her hand. “The last time one of us tried to wake you up, we ended up with one of your guns pointed at us.”

Wylan scrunched up his face. “I would rather not end up with a gun in my face.”

“I would never point a gun at your adorable face, Wy.” Jesper said. “More importantly, you wouldn’t wake me up by throwing a book at my face like Kaz did.”

“Your face was asking for it.”

Kaz’s voice made Wylan tense up. He turned around to see him slowly walk over to them, leaning heavily on his cane. He instinctively sat up straight, worried that Kaz had found him lazing around, even if he wasn’t the only one. Jesper and Inej didn’t seem to mind, but they also probably didn’t have to worry about him kicking them out.

Jesper gave Kaz a confused look. “How did you do that? Were you hiding behind one of the tents just waiting for us to mention you?” 

Kaz stared back impassively. “I have better things to do than spy on you.” He said, lips twitching slightly. His eyes raked over the three of them, lingering a second too long on Inej before quickly darting away. "Is this what I pay you slackers to do?" 

Wylan grimaced, preparing himself for a scolding. Jesper gave him a shit-eating grin, leaning back on his elbows. "No, you pay us to look pretty and make money for you." 

Kaz was quiet for a beat and Wylan’s eyes darted anxiously between the two of them. Then he let out a snort, lightly hitting Jesper’s leg with the far end of his cane. “If that’s the case then it’s a surprise you earn any money at all, Jes.”

Inej laughed, her entire face lighting up, while Jesper gasped indignantly and muttered, “You bastard.” But Kaz wasn’t paying attention to his offended act, he was staring at Inej with a weird look on his face. If Wylan didn’t know better he would say it was almost⎯ affectionate. “So, what business, Brekker?”

The look was quickly gone, and Kaz’s face turned serious again. He said to Jesper, “I need you to do something for me.”

“Only if you say please,” said Jesper and Kaz gave him a look that could only be described as dangerous. The sharpshooter sighed, “Why do I even bother? You have no manners. What do you need me to do?”

“I need you to head into town, to the pawn shop in Geldstraat.” He explained, then he locked eyes with Wylan who until that moment had kept very still, hoping Kaz wouldn’t notice him. “And take the merch boy with you.”

Jesper perked up at that, grinning at Wylan. “Gladly,” he said, then he turned to Kaz again. “But why do you need him to come?”

A faint smile touched Kaz's lips, one that made the skin at the back of Wylan's neck prickle. “Well, I have a feeling Wylan knows _exactly_ how much this is worth.” He said, pulling something out of his pocket, his eyes never leaving Wylan’s. He saw a golden chain out of the corner of his eye, and before Wylan could wonder why Kaz thought he knew anything about how much that was worth, his stomach dropped. Attached to the golden chain there was a fancy pocket watch, one with a red laurel adorning one side. Wylan didn’t need to see the other side to know what he would find. His father's name. _His_ name. Engraved on the smooth gold surface. It was his father's watch that Kaz was holding, which could only mean⎯

He tore his gaze from the watch to look at Kaz's face. His sharp eyes were narrowed at him and Wylan could see that same spark of recognition that was there that first night, when he gave Kaz his mother's maiden name. Kaz Brekker knew who Wylan was. He must know. He didn't want Wylan to go with Jesper because he didn't want him to get scammed, he just wanted to see Wylan's expression when he showed him the watch, probably to confirm his suspicions.

Wylan tried his best to school his features, to pretend he didn't recognize the object, but it was already too late. 

Jesper let out a whistle, standing up to grab the watch, studying it closely. “This is some fancy work. Real gold, too. Who did you steal it from?”

Wylan’s breath caught in his throat. He waited for Kaz to make the reveal. To tell Jesper that he had stolen it from the mercher Jan Van Eck, who also happened to be Wylan’s father. He would have a lot of explaining to do. He would probably need to tell them what had happened the other night, that his father wanted him dead, that he had hired someone to take care of it. They would ask why he wanted Wylan dead, what was so wrong with him that his own father wanted to kill him for it. Maybe they wouldn't care, maybe they would laugh, or maybe⎯

The fear that Wylan felt that first night, the fear that these people might hurt him, might take him back to his father, maybe even kill him, took over him. The safety he had felt around them slowly disappearing as he waited for Kaz to open his mouth. 

His mind was racing so much that he almost didn’t hear when Kaz simply said, “I found it.”

Wylan released a breath he didn’t know he was holding, and tried to calm his racing heart. He stared at Kaz in open disbelief, but the triumphant, knowing look was gone, he was just staring boredly at him. Why hadn’t he said anything?

Jesper snorted. “Of course you did, and I am the man who invented waffles.” He said, voice dripping with sarcasm, as he tossed the pocket watch in the air and caught it in his hand. 

Kaz rolled his eyes. “Do I need to find someone else to do this for me? Someone who doesn't ask so many questions?” 

“No, I'm on it. It gives me an excuse to snatch this one away.” Jesper said quickly, shoving the watch into his pocket and holding his hand out for Wylan. “Come on, merchling. I promise to buy you something as pretty as you on the way back from the pawnshop.”

Even if Wylan's mind was still reeling with almost being exposed, his cheeks warmed at Jesper's flirting. He shouldered his bag, and with one final confused look at Kaz, followed Jesper. 

“Remember we have a show tonight!” Kaz called out after them. “I need your ugly mug back before the lights go down!”

Wylan didn't think Kaz was the kind of person anyone could make a rude gesture at and live to see another day, but Jesper did it anyway. 

* * *

They made their way through the city streets. Wylan walked without paying attention to where he was going, distractedly following Jesper. They had already been walking for a while when Jesper broke the silence, “You're awfully quiet today, merchling.”

His voice startled Wylan out of his thoughts, and he blinked up at him. “What?”

Jesper cocked his head to one side, watching him. “What's going on in that pretty head of yours?”

“Oh, it’s nothing.”

“Nothing isn't the reason behind that little divot between your brows.” Wylan bit the inside of his cheek, trying to come up with a lie. He didn't like lying to Jesper, but he clearly wasn’t ready for him to know the truth. “Are you worried about the watch?”

“No. Yes. Maybe.” Wylan shrugged. “Do you think Kaz really found it?”

Jesper snorted. “I don’t know. Do you really think I invented waffles?”

Despite the worry he was feeling, Wylan chuckled. “No. If you had, Nina probably would have married you already or something.”

“If Matthias didn’t kill me first.” He snickered, then he shrugged. “No, Kaz probably stole it, or won it from some rich mercher in a gamble. Though if you ask this Van Eck man, he would probably say that also counts as stealing.”

Wylan felt cold all over when he heard Jesper say his father’s name. “Aren’t you worried that this⎯ this man will come looking for it?” Wylan was. If his father came looking for Kaz Brekker, he might end up running into Wylan, and once he knew he wasn’t dead, he might try to get him killed again, or decide to do it himself. 

Jesper shook his head. “If Kaz stole that watch from his pocket, he probably didn’t realize until it was too late.” He explained. Wylan nodded, hoping that Jesper was right. He knew his father had plenty of watches, hopefully he wouldn’t mind the loss of this particular one that much. “He has very skilled fingers. Van Eck probably didn’t realize the watch was gone until he reached for it at home. He used to perform in the circus, you know? Like us.” 

Wylan stopped in his tracks, raising his eyebrows in surprise. “Really?”

“Yes, he had an escapist act. I saw him escape the most impossible locks.” He said with an awed tone. “It was amazing to see, we were all disappointed when he became the ringmaster instead.”

“Why did he?”

“During one of his acts something went wrong. He couldn’t free himself fast enough and an anvil fell on his leg. That’s why he has the limp.” Jesper explained. “I don’t think he ever recovered. He stopped performing after that, and then his brother died⎯”

Wylan’s eyebrows shot up even more. “Wait, Kaz has a brother?”

“He _had_ a brother. Jordie. They were the ones who started this circus, with the money their parents left for them. They had no place to go, so they made one.” Jesper said. “And in doing so they gave a lot of people like me, like us,” he gestured between them, “who had nowhere to go, a place where they could belong.”

But did Wylan belong? The son of a merchant who couldn’t read or write, who not even his father could learn to love, who had no talent or hidden skill to exploit and who was lying to the people who took him in. Once Kaz told everyone the truth, there would be no place for him here. Or anywhere. 

He didn’t know what to say. There was so much he didn’t know about Kaz, about all of them. Just like there was a lot they didn’t know about him. “I didn’t even know Kaz had a brother.” 

Jesper shrugged. “He likes to hold on to his secrets until they are useful.”

His heart sank, if Kaz didn’t expose him back then it was probably because he planned to do it when it worked best for him. He should have known it was a bad idea to stay in one place, to let Jesper convince him that staying in the circus could be a permanent solution. Word of Jan Van Eck’s son joining the circus would travel fast through Ketterdam and if the news reached his father, he would send people after him. Wylan would need to leave, but where would he go? He would be back to square one, no money, no home and no one to turn to⎯

“We’re here.” Jesper stopped in front of the pawn shop and Wylan bumped into him. “You can wait for me here, if you want.”

Wylan hesitated. He didn’t want to be involved in trading his father’s watch, but he didn’t want to stay here alone either. He shook his head, following Jesper inside. 

“What do you have for me, boys?” The old man behind the counter said when he saw them. 

Jesper put on his most charming grin, holding up the pocket watch. The old man’s eyes sparkled with interest. “How much for this?” 

From then on it was just the two of them bargaining back and forth. Eventually, Wylan tuned them out. Kaz was wrong, Wylan had no idea how much that watch was worth, his father never shared that information with him, probably because he thought it was wasted on Wylan.

He wandered around the pawn shop, crowded with all kinds of objects. Old and new, cheap and expensive. Wylan wondered how many of them were stolen, like the pocket watch Jesper was trying so hard to sell. Probably most of them. He saw a silver tie pin, which reminded him of the one he still had in his bag. The night his father gave it to him Wylan thought about trading it for money that he could use to pay for a room or food. He didn’t need to do that in the end because of Jesper, but if he was right about Kaz, then there was a chance that he would need it soon. 

He was still thinking about it when Jesper let out a whoop, and Wylan looked over in time to see him give the pocket watch to the old man and accept a thick roll of money in exchange. Clearly, he didn’t need Wylan to make a great deal. 

“Van Eck?” The old man said, using his monocle to read the engraved words. “This wouldn’t happen to be the same Van Eck who practically owns the financial district, would it?”

Jesper raised an eyebrow. “I thought you weren’t supposed to ask questions.” He said, shoving the money in his pocket. “All you should care about is that he doesn’t own _that_ watch anymore.” 

The man grunted, but he put the watch away and gave them a fake smile. “Have a nice day.” He said, but it sounded a lot like ‘get the hell out of my shop’.

“Pleasure doing business with you!” Jesper winked, heading towards the door. Wylan hesitated, his thoughts still on the tie pin and whether he should trade it, but he couldn’t do it as long as Jesper was with him. How could he possibly explain how he had it in the first place? 

So Wylan followed him outside. “Where are we going now? Are we heading back?”

“It’s up to you, merchling. I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of my day out here with you.”

Wylan certainly wouldn’t mind either. He was still worried that they might end up running into someone who could recognize him, but he didn’t want to go back yet, he wanted to stay with Jesper and away from Kaz. Except, “I thought we had to head back right away. You have a show to get to, remember?” The last thing he wanted was for them to be late and give Kaz a reason to be angry at him. 

Jesper didn’t seem worried about that all. “We have time. So, what do you say?”

“Okay.” He said, causing the other boy to grin. 

“Great! So,” Jesper said, gaze fixed on Wylan. “What do you want to do?”

Wylan shrugged. “Whatever _you_ want to do.”

“Hmm. How broadly should I interpret that?” He asked, wiggling his eyebrows. Before Wylan could stammer out a response, Jesper took his hand, tugging him down the street. “Wait. I have an idea.”

Wylan wanted to ask where Jesper was taking him, but he was too focused on how his fingers felt wrapped around Wylan’s and how they made him feel warm all over. He glanced around, but he had never been to this part of town and, without being able to read the signs, he didn’t know where Jesper was taking him until they stopped in front of a colorful shop. He couldn’t read that sign either, but what he saw through the window was enough. 

His eyes widened. “An art supply store?”

Jesper was staring at him, looking slightly nervous. “I thought you might like it.” He said. “Do you want to check it out?”

Wylan nodded enthusiastically. They entered the shop together, and Jesper let go of his hand. Still, Wylan had to smile as he looked around. All kinds of art supplies filled the room. Paint brushes, easels, ink bottles stacked on the shelves in boxes and tins. The place reminded Wylan of his mother’s studio, which had a window that overlooked the city. His mother could be found sitting in front of it often, a blank canvas in front of her. After her death, his father made someone clean out the room, but not before Wylan snuck inside and took some of the stuff there, hiding it in his own room. 

Jesper chuckled behind him. “Now I know what really gets you excited.” He said. “Have you always liked drawing?”

“Yes! It's something I had in common with my mother. Art and music. She⎯ she used to love it.”

“I’m sure she was very talented.” Jesper said, setting a hand on Wylan’s shoulder. “You certainly are. Pick out whatever you want, it’s on me.”

Wylan wanted to argue, he didn’t like that Jesper kept spending money on him, but arguing with him had proved to be useless. He didn’t want to spend too much of Jesper’s money, so he picked out a few ink bottles and more paper. He had gone through most of his in the last couple of days, there was so much inspiration to draw, especially when Jesper was around. 

They spent only a little more time in the music shop. After a while Wylan joined Jesper at the counter where he paid for his supplies, giving the bag to him. 

“Thank you for this, Jes.” Wylan said with a shy smile. 

“Only the best for you, merchling,” Jesper said, looking at him like he was the only other person in the world. Wylan wanted to gaze into his gray eyes forever. 

After leaving the art store they spent hours walking around the city. The more time they spent there, the more Wylan relaxed until he didn’t flinch everytime they walked around a corner, expecting to see his father there or hid behind Jesper when he saw a man dressed in black walking towards them. He figured it had something to do with Jesper being there, holding his hand or with an arm thrown over his shoulder.

They stopped at a few other establishments. One of them was a gun shop where Wylan had the chance to see Jesper excitedly look through shelves stacked with ammo and different types of weapons. He stared longingly at one particular revolver, admiring the craftsmanship and the details in it. To Wylan it was just a gun, but he could see it was more than that for Jesper. It was too bad that Wylan didn’t have enough money to get it for him, but he checked the price so he could keep it in mind for the future. After everything Jesper did and got for Wylan, he wanted to do something nice for him. It could be his goodbye gift before he was forced to leave him.

By the time they made it back, the sun was starting to set and the carnival grounds were buzzing with activity. It reminded Wylan of the night his father brought him here. He had been so excited, so hopeful. He thought his life was about to change. And it had, just not how he expected. 

Warm fingers wrapped around his wrist, pulling him out from his thoughts. Jesper was looking at him, “You don’t have to worry about him.” He said and Wylan tensed up. How could Jesper know what Wylan was thinking? Maybe Kaz did talk. Maybe he knew more than Wylan thought. Maybe⎯ “The bastard who tried to rob you is probably long gone.”

Oh.

“No one is going to hurt you.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because I’m not letting you out of my sight.” Jesper said, he let go of his wrist to grab his fingers instead. “Come on, let’s go see Nina. I can’t wait to see what costume she picked out for you.”

Wylan was momentarily distracted by Jesper holding his hand, his words didn’t register until he was being dragged behind the big top. 

“Wait, what costume?”

* * * 

Nina was already waiting for them. 

She was sitting on the steps of her wagon and when she saw them she stood up, looking down at them with a stern face and her hands on her hips. “You’re late.” 

Wylan ducked his head. He started to apologize, even if he hadn’t known they were supposed to meet her in the first place. “I’m sorry⎯”

But Nina stopped him, her expression turning gentle. “I know it’s not your fault, Wylan.”

“Hey!”

She raised an eyebrow at Jesper. “Well, is it?”

He deflated with a sigh. “No.” He said reluctantly. “But can you blame me for wanting to spend the day with him?”

Nina’s lips curled up. “No, I can’t.” She entered her wagon and called back over her shoulder to them. “Come on sweetie, I don’t have all night.”

“I’ll come pick you up soon.” Jesper said, ushering Wylan up the steps.

“You’re not staying?”

“I also have to go get ready. Don’t worry, you’re in good hands.” And with a wink, he closed the door behind Wylan, leaving him alone with Nina. 

She smirked at him. “He’s right, you’re in good hands. I know you’d probably prefer Jesper’s⎯” Nina said playfully and Wylan felt heat rising in his face. “But if I do my job right then he won’t be able to take them off of you.”

“What? No, that’s not⎯ it’s not like that. I⎯” Wylan gulped, turning even redder. 

Nina threw her head back with a laugh. “Relax, sweetie.” She said, tossing a piece of fabric at Wylan, who barely caught it. “Put it on.” She pointed at a curtain and Wylan slipped behind it, grateful for the opportunity to hide his blush from her. 

He removed Jesper’s scarf, folding it neatly and putting it inside his bag. He was wearing only a thin white shirt underneath and he shrugged on the dark blue jacket that Nina gave him. It fit him perfectly and Wylan wondered if she made it just for him. The black trousers were also a perfect fit. Wylan didn’t have a mirror to watch himself in, but he probably looked better than he ever did in the fancy clothes his father had his servants made for him. 

“What do you think?” Nina asked from the other side of the curtain. “Do you like it?”

“Yeah, these are great.” Wylan said, drawing the curtain back and coming into view. “But don’t you think it’s too much? I’m not even performing, I’m just a stagehand.”

“Doesn’t mean you can’t look great while carrying props around.” Nina said with a wink. “And you do look great.” She assured him when Wylan shuffled nervously under her stare. 

“And now for the final touch⎯ come here.” She said, motioning to the same cushion he sat in two nights ago when she fixed his hand. Just like that night, she grabbed a box with powders and liquids, picking up what looked like shiny silver glitter. He eyed it warily and she chuckled, “Stay still, honey.” Wylan did, feeling Nina’s finger spreading the fine powder on his eyelids and his cheekbones. “Are you nervous about your first show?”

He shrugged and Nina chastised him for moving. “I mean. I don’t have to do much.” He said. “I’m excited to see all of you perform again though.” 

“Soon it could be you.” She winked and pulled back. “There you go, you’re spotlight ready now.” She gave him a once over and smirked. “Jesper is going to lose his mind.”

Before Wylan could argue that ‘it wasn’t like that’, she stood up and handed him a mirror. Wylan gasped when he looked at his reflection, barely recognizing himself. His face sparkled and his blue eyes were brought out by the color of his coat. He usually didn’t think much of himself but he couldn’t help but wonder if Nina was right, if Jesper would like the way Wylan looked right now. 

A knock on the wagon door startled him. 

“Right on time.” Nina said with another smirk. “Off you go, sweetie. I have to get ready too.”

He looked at his reflection one last time before putting down the mirror and standing up. “Thank you, Nina.” 

She winked. “See you on stage, sweetie.” She disappeared behind the curtain and Wylan snuck out of her wagon.

Jesper was pacing outside, flipping one of his guns in his hand. Wylan admired him for a second, he was wearing a purple coat adorned with golden swirly patterns that fit him perfectly, probably Nina’s work as well. When he looked up at Wylan he could see that Jesper had applied gold glitter around his eyes, like Nina did with him. 

Those eyes widened when they saw Wylan and he nearly dropped the gun to the ground. “Wow,” Jesper gasped, looking him up and down. “Merchling, you look⎯” he paused, his tongue poking out to wet his lips. “You look amazing.”

He walked down the steps, cheeks flushing pink at the way Jesper was staring at him. “It was all Nina.”

“No, it's definitely you.” Jesper said with a soft smile. He reached for Wylan’s face and he froze when his fingers brushed some glitter from his cheek.

Wylan opened his mouth, he wanted to say ‘thank you’ and ‘you look amazing too’, but before he could, they heard a loud, booming voice, “Come one! Come all! Step right up to witness the marvelous stars of the Circus van Kraaien!”

Jesper forced himself to look away from Wylan. “That’s us. Let’s go, merchling.” He winked. “It’s show time!”

* * *

The show was just as amazing as the first time Wylan saw it. 

The tricks were just as impressive, the crowd was just as loud. He still gasped when Trassel growled at the audience and tensed up when Kuwei spit fire in their direction. He stared mesmerized at Jesper as he charmed the audience with his words and his tricks, the same way he had charmed him. 

As he watched the people he now thought of as friends perform, Wylan thought that he wouldn’t mind doing this forever. He didn’t think the tricks would ever grow old or that he would ever get tired of seeing them. If Nina was right, he might even join them eventually. But until then, he wouldn’t mind working as a stagehand and watching the show from behind the stage. 

At least until Kaz exposed his secret and Wylan was forced to leave. 

“Are you enjoying being part of the show?” Inej spoke into his ear, sneaking up behind Wylan in the middle of Jesper’s act. He was slowly getting used to it, but he still jumped.

He smiled at her. “It’s the best seat in the house.” 

She followed his stare to where Jesper was untying the blindfold from his eyes. “I can see that.” Inej said knowingly. “You’ve been doing a great job.”

“I’ve hardly done anything.” 

“You’ve done plenty.” Inej told him, her small hand squeezing his arm. “Are you sure you don’t want to join me on the tightrope?”

Wylan rolled his eyes. “No, thank you. I think I rather keep my feet on the ground.” He saw Jesper bow dramatically as his act came to an end, the crowd cheering wildly. “Good luck out there.” He told her and she smiled at him over her shoulder before disappearing in the shadows. Wylan thought he saw her quickly make her way up one of the poles, like a spider on the wall. 

A few seconds later, Jesper was walking out from the ring while Kaz announced Inej’s act. He was grinning, still feeling the excitement of shooting stuff and performing. His grin only turned wider when he spotted Wylan. 

“How did I look?”

 _Amazing. Gorgeous. Perfect._ “You were great.” Wylan said instead, grinning back at him. “I liked that new trick⎯ firing five shots through a tin can before it hit the ground.”

“ _Six_ shots, and I’m glad you liked it.” He said, stepping closer to him. “I might have been trying to impress you.” Wylan’s heart fluttered in his chest. “You were also great by the way.”

He let out a soft snort. “Thank you, though I don’t think there’s much I can screw up by carrying props in and out of the ring.”

“I’ve seen it happen.” Jesper chuckled. “But seriously I’ve never seen someone look as cute as you while doing it.” He took another step closer, until their chests were nearly touching. Wylan wanted to take a step back, not because he didn’t like being close to Jesper, but because he was worried that Jesper might be able to feel just how hard his heart was pounding against his chest if he stood too close to him. 

But before he could find out if Jesper could actually feel it, they were being pulled apart by all the performers making their way past them and towards the ring for the final bow.

“Come on, Jesper.” Nina said, the beads in her skirt jiggling when she moved. “You too, sweetie.” 

Wylan started shaking his head. “Oh. No, I⎯” But Jesper grabbed his hand and laced their fingers together. He probably should have gotten used to Jesper holding his hand by now, but it never failed to send a thrill up his spine. 

“You’re one of us, Wy.” Jesper whispered in his ear, guiding Wylan towards the ring. “You’re part of the crew now.”

Warmth spread through Wylan, and it wasn’t just because Jesper was still holding his hand. Hearing him say that he belonged was something he didn’t know he wanted to hear so badly. 

They joined everyone out in the ring while the crowd cheered and clapped. It was weird being on the other side of it, he knew the people weren’t cheering for _him_ , but still, he couldn’t help but grin and wave at the people in the stands. It had been a long time since Wylan felt happy, but in that moment he did⎯ surrounded by people who had welcomed him without question, listening to people cheer for them and with Jesper holding his hand and smiling down at him. 

If only it could last. 

His eyes roamed over the crowd and the crew, until they met a pair of eyes that were already looking back at him. Whether it was the sharp look Kaz was giving him or Wylan’s own anxiety, he couldn’t help but see his own thoughts and worries reflected in his eyes.

_Better enjoy it while you can._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What is Kaz talking about? What money?” Wylan asked, keeping his voice low.
> 
> Jesper pursed his lips, he leaned closer to Wylan, speaking directly into his ear. “Remember when I told you Kaz and Jordie opened the circus? They used the money their parents left them. Well, that money ran out and now Kaz needs to get more or the circus will be shut down.”
> 
> Wylan blinked at him. “But what would happen to you?”
> 
> “I don’t know. I would probably go back to shooting things for money on the streets.” Jesper said with a snort. He must have noticed the way Wylan was frowning, because he set a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “But don’t worry, merchling. Kaz will think of something.”
> 
> It seemed like he already had. Trading Wylan for money by handing him out to his father. Wylan probably had even less time than he thought.
> 
> “I need to get some air.” He said, moving his chair back. He felt the others turn to look at him, including Kaz, but he kept his eyes on Jesper, who looked concerned. 
> 
> “Do you want me to come with you?”
> 
> “No, I’m⎯ I’m okay. Stay here.” Jesper didn’t seem happy to let him go, but he didn’t argue. Outside, Wylan’s mind started reeling. He needed to leave the circus. Tonight.

That thought hung over his head in the following weeks. 

Wylan continued to spend time with Jesper and the others as he’d been doing, but deep down he knew it was only a matter of time before he had to leave them. It hurt to think about it, losing the only friends he ever had, especially Jesper, who might even become something more if only the circumstances were a little different.

But it was no use wondering what could have happened. What he _could_ do was enjoy the time he had left with them.

Wylan spent his mornings with Inej, watching the sunrise and drinking tea. He lent a hand to Matthias with the animals, slowly becoming more comfortable around them. He let Nina dress him up for the shows. He helped Kuwei with his act, spending time with him while coming up with formulas that would make the flames turn into different colors.

Most of his time was spent with Jesper though. 

Sometimes the others would join them. Kaz included. Jesper must have noticed that Wylan tended to be a little more jumpy when Kaz was around because he usually came up with excuses to drag Wylan away, so it was just the two of them. He enjoyed those moments the most, he never felt safer than when he was with Jesper. Wylan would certainly miss that feeling. He would certainly miss _him_. 

And he would also miss this⎯ waking up the morning after a show, knowing they would be meeting their friends and having breakfast together. He doubted he would find that again wherever he was forced to run next.

“Are you ready to go, merchling?” Jesper asked, snapping Wylan out of his thoughts. 

Wylan nodded, picking up Jesper’s scarf and wrapping it around his neck. He had tried to give it back to him before, but Jesper refused to accept it, saying it was a gift. Wylan liked to wear it whenever he could, enjoying the way it smelled like him and definitely not minding the way Jesper stared at him whenever he wore it. It would be a nice reminder of his time in the circus, something he could take with him when he left. 

They made their way to the tavern and met with the others at their usual table. Just like the first time, Nina, Matthias and Inej were already there when they arrived. Wylan couldn’t help to think back to that moment. He’d been so nervous to meet them, so worried that they would send him away or hurt him. He’d come a long way in just a few weeks. Now when he saw them, _his friends_ , he only felt happy to be spending time with them. 

“Good morning, lovelies! And you, Matthias!” Jesper said, turning his chair around and sitting backwards, his arms folded over the back. Wylan took the empty chair next to him. 

“You’re on time again.” Nina said, tapping her finger against her chin. She looked between the two of them, “I think Wylan is starting to rub off on you.”

Jesper snickered. Wylan braced himself to hear whatever dirty thing had crossed his mind, but he simply said, “Wylan is a great influence.”

The server girl came to take their orders and Wylan accepted the breakfast Jesper bought for him with a prickle of guilt, as he remembered the tie pin that he still carried around in his bag. He kept putting off going to the pawnshop and trading the pin for money because once he did, there would be nothing keeping him at the circus anymore, other than the people sitting on the table with him. 

He knew he would have to do it soon, but even that wasn’t enough to keep him from enjoying having breakfast with his friends. He felt happy listening to Nina and Inej discuss the details of the new leotard that Nina was making for her, watching Jesper shove forkfuls of waffles into his mouth, spewing pieces of food when he insisted to offer his opinion on the subject with his mouth still full, and seeing Matthias give him a disapproving frown. It made Wylan smile to himself.

Then he heard it. 

The tell-tale sound of a cane hitting the wooden floor. 

He knew who it was even before he looked over his shoulder and saw Kaz moving towards them. 

Jesper lifted his head and followed his gaze. He waved. “Kaz! You’re back!”

For a few days, Kaz had been absent. Wylan had expected him to return last night, just in time for the show, but he had been surprised when it was Dirix who stepped into the ring to serve as the ringmaster instead. According to the others, it was normal Kaz behavior to disappear for a few days, but a part of Wylan couldn’t help but think that maybe it had something to do with him. The other part of him was glad Kaz was gone because, as long as he was away, Wylan’s secret was safe. 

But now that he was back, Wylan couldn’t help but feel like he was running out of time. 

“I figured I would find you here.” Kaz said, grabbing another chair and sitting between Matthias and Jesper. 

“Did you find who you were looking for?” Inej asked. 

“I did, but I couldn’t convince Rollins to give us the money.”

Wylan didn’t know what he was talking about but the others did. A shadow fell over each of their faces when Kaz broke the news. 

“What does that mean for us?” Nina asked, pursing her lips. “Is the circus over?”

Kaz shook his head. “No, that just means I need to find a different way to get the money.” He looked straight at Wylan when he said it and it made his stomach twist unpleasantly. Handing Wylan over to his father would certainly get him the money he needed. He had already paid to get Wylan killed once, he would probably do it again.

Wylan realized he was right. He was running out of time. 

“Hey,” Jesper whispered, touching his arm gently. “Are you okay?” Inej and Nina continued asking Kaz questions and he stopped looking at Wylan to turn his attention to them.

“What is Kaz talking about? What money?” Wylan asked, keeping his voice low.

Jesper pursed his lips. “Oh.” He leaned closer to Wylan, speaking directly into his ear. “Remember when I told you Kaz and Jordie opened the circus? They used the money their parents left them. Well, that money ran out and now Kaz needs to get more or the circus will be shut down.”  
Wylan blinked at him. “Shut down? But what would happen to you?”

“I don’t know. I would probably go back to shooting things for money on the streets.” Jesper said with a snort. He must have noticed the way Wylan was frowning, because he set a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “But don’t worry, merchling. Kaz will think of something.”

It seemed like he already had. Trading Wylan for money by handing him out to his father. Wylan probably had even less time than he thought.   
“I need to get some air.” He said, moving his chair back. He felt the others turn to look at him, including Kaz, but he kept his eyes on Jesper, who looked concerned. 

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, I’m⎯ I’m okay. Stay here.” Jesper didn’t seem happy to let him go, but he didn’t argue. Outside, Wylan’s mind started reeling. He needed to leave the circus. Tonight. Before Kaz could make his move. Before his father found him. He had put it off for as long as he could, but now he was out of time. He put his head in his hands as he felt a headache starting to form. When he looked up he noticed the shop across the street and while he couldn’t read the sign, he quickly recognized the pawnshop Kaz had sent them to a couple of weeks ago. 

He could no longer put it off. 

He crossed the street and entered the shop. 

“What do you have for me, kid?” The same old man from the other day said. He didn’t seem to recognize Wylan, he probably didn’t remember faces at all, just the merchandise and how much money it cost him. 

“Hi, yeah, I want to trade this,” Wylan said, reaching into his bag and sliding the tie pin across the counter. He tried to put on a confident face, like Jesper did the other day, but his words came out hesitant and nervous. “How much can you give me?”

The old man grabbed his monocle and raised the tie pin to his face, studying it closely. “Where did you get this?”

Wylan felt dread hit him like a lead weight. He tried to come up with a lie, but other than telling him that he stole it, he didn’t know what to say. Then he remembered what Jesper said when the man had started questioning him about the pocket watch, “I thought you weren’t supposed to ask questions.”

The old man grumbled something that sounded like ‘disrespectful little bastard’, but he reached under the counter and grabbed a thick roll of money, sliding it over the counter towards him. It was more than he expected, but it was probably less than the tie pin was worth. Not that Wylan would know, it was another piece of information that his father hadn’t thought to share with him. So he accepted the money. He looked at the tie pin one last time and realized that he was happy to part with the only thing that could tie him to his father, to who he was. 

He put the money in his bag. Now he had the last thing he needed to leave. 

The thought made sadness invade him. He didn’t want to leave the circus, his friends, Jesper. How could he leave Jesper? And without even saying goodbye. It would break his heart, almost as much as it would break Wylan’s. But he couldn’t tell him why he was leaving, it was too much of a risk. Even if Jesper wouldn’t hurt him and even if he agreed to keep his secret, Kaz already knew and Wylan didn’t know if he could trust him. Jesper would probably feel so betrayed. After everything he had done for Wylan, this would be how he repaid him?

Wylan stopped walking. He was planning to go back to the tavern and his friends, but now he changed his mind. He thought back to the day he spent in town with Jesper and tried his best to remember all the places they had visited, trying to find his way to one particular shop. If he was going to leave then at least he should try to pay Jesper back for all he had done for him. 

He finally found the gun shop at the end of some street. The owner gave him an odd look when he walked inside, clearly thinking that Wylan didn’t look like the kind of person who might be interested in weapons, but he didn’t say anything as Wylan scanned the shelves until he finally found what he was looking for. Despite the sadness he was feeling, he smiled as he pictured Jesper’s reaction, picking up the revolver and walking to the counter. 

“That’s some strong firepower, son.” The shopkeeper said. Wylan tried not to flinch when he called him that. 

“It’s a gift for⎯ for a friend.” Wylan said, reaching into his bag for the money. 

“That’s one expensive gift.” The man said, accepting the bills. Wylan knew he shouldn’t be spending that much money when he might be needing it soon, but he had made up his mind. He wanted Jesper to have this once he left. “And a lucky friend.” The man added with a small smile. “Here you go, kid.”

“Thank you.” Wylan said, putting the gun in his bag. He didn’t want Jesper to see it yet, he wanted them to be alone when he gave it to him.

By the time he made it back to the tavern, the others were leaving. From across the street he saw Jesper looking around, probably for him. He hurried over. 

“Jesper!”

His face filled with relief when he saw Wylan, and he grinned at him. “There’s my cute merchling! I thought you ditched us.”

“Sorry, I⎯ I started walking and I got turned around somewhere.” Wylan said and tried to ignore the snort that came from Kaz. Jesper didn’t seem to hear it, simply grabbing Wylan’s hand and holding on to it the entire walk back to the circus grounds.

* * *

Later that evening it was just the two of them alone in Jesper’s quarters for the night. _And for the last time_ , Wylan reminded himself, looking around the space. He wanted to memorize everything about it. He felt so safe and warm here. He wanted to burn every detail into his memory, so when he was living by himself, he could think back to the time he spent there and comfort himself with the memories. He would miss all of that, but he would miss Jesper the most. 

“Hey, merchling. Are you okay?” Jesper asked from behind him, breaking him out of his thoughts. 

Wylan jumped and turned to face him. “Oh. Yeah, I’m just thinking.”

Jesper sat down on the foot of the bed. Wylan sat alongside him. “Thinking about⎯”

He hesitated. “What happens if Kaz can’t get the money.” It wasn’t a lie. It definitely had crossed his mind. He couldn’t help but wonder what would happen to his friends if he didn’t.

“Kaz will get the money.” Jesper said without missing a beat.

“But what if he doesn’t? What happens to the circus? To you?” 

Jesper shrugged. He suddenly looked sad. “We’ll figure it out, everyone here had to fend for themselves before Kaz found us, we will just have to do it again.”

“You’re not worried about being alone again?” Because Wylan certainly was. He was terrified to be by himself. 

Jesper bumped his shoulder against Wylan’s, a small smile playing on his lips. “But I wouldn’t be alone, merchling. I would have you. And Nina and Inej, even Matthias and Kaz. The circus might be over, but we’re a family. And you’re part of that family now. We wouldn’t leave you behind, family takes care of each other.”

Wylan swallowed thickly. “Not all families do.” He muttered under his breath, Jesper tilted his head, giving him a curious look. 

“What do you mean?”

He sighed. He figured he owed him at least some truth. “My family⎯ my mother took care of me, she loved me, but when she died my father⎯ he⎯ he didn’t take care of me. He⎯ he hurt me.”

Jesper gasped. “Saints, merchling. I’m sorry to hear that.” 

He took a deep breath. He was leaving tomorrow. He had nothing to lose. He started rambling before he lost his nerve, “I don’t exactly blame him, I⎯ I can’t read or write. Letters get mixed up and words don’t make sense to me. My father, he⎯ he tried to change it, but when he couldn’t, he locked me up. I guess he figured it was easier to hide me before someone found out about the son of a mercher who was so stupid he couldn’t do something as simple as writing his own name⎯” 

“Wylan,” Jesper interrupted, turning around to face Wylan. “That’s not your fault. And it’s definitely not an excuse for your father to hurt you. He’s an idiot not to realize how special you are, whether you can read or not.”

He couldn’t help but duck his head, feeling ashamed of himself. 

Jesper reached out and held up Wylan’s chin, forcing him to meet his eyes. “Wait, were you worried that I would treat you differently? Is that why you hadn’t told me?”

Wylan bit his lip. “No. Yes. Maybe.” He sighed. “I’m used to keeping it a secret, and I guess I was worried⎯”

“Well, you didn’t have to be.” He assured him, giving Wylan a sweet smile. “I still think you’re the same cute little genius merchling that I lo⎯” Jesper paused and cleared his throat. “I _like_ so much.”

Wylan’s heart fluttered in his chest and he felt himself smiling. “I⎯ I feel like I need to argue about you calling me ‘little’⎯”

Jesper’s laugh interrupted him. Wylan tried to commit that to memory too. “Okay, I take that back, but I meant everything else, you’re amazing, Wy.” 

“So are you, Jes.” Wylan said quietly, keeping his gaze on him. He noticed Jesper’s eyes flicker down to his lips. He was sure Jesper was slowly leaning in and he panicked, jumping to his feet. “I got you something.”

Jesper frowned when Wylan pulled back, but his expression quickly turned excited as he watched Wylan reach into his bag and pull out the gun. 

His eyes widened comically and his mouth fell open in a gasp. “Wylan Hendricks, you didn’t!”

 _Van Eck_ , Wylan wanted to say, but he wasn’t ready to uncover that particular truth. He offered the gift to him. “I saw you practically drooling over it the other day.”

Jesper chuckled. His happiness sent a thrill of warmth though Wylan. “I didn’t know you were watching me.”

“Of course I was watching you.” He whispered, blushing when Jesper grinned at him. He cleared his throat, noticeably flustered. “What do you think?” He asked, pointing at the gun.

“Wylan, it’s incredible.” Jesper said, looking down at it with an awed expression before lifting his eyes to meet Wylan’s. “But I can’t accept it, it’s too much.”

He vehemently shook his head. “It’s not, not after everything you’ve done for me. Please. I want you to have it.”

Jesper smiled. He reached out again and this time he touched the side of his face, looking straight into his eyes. “Thank you, Wy. I will think of you everytime I shoot it.”

Wylan let out a nervous chuckle, the touch bringing a flush to his cheeks. His fingers were warm and soft and gentle, and every point of contact made Wylan’s heart race more. “I’m flattered.”

Jesper’s eyes scanned Wylan’s face, lingering on his lips. “It will be easy since I already think about you all the time.”

His breath caught in his throat. Wylan had wondered, suspected, hoped⎯ but to hear Jesper say it out loud came as a shock. It took the closeness that had been building between them and forced it into the open. It was probably a mistake, knowing it might never be possible. But this was his last chance. After tonight, it would be over. He would never see Jesper again.

Wylan knew it wasn’t fair to start anything. Not for him and definitely not for Jesper, but he wanted this. If only for tonight. 

“So do I.” He said, leaning closer, until their faces were only inches apart. 

Then Jesper was moving in, slowly, to give Wylan enough time to back away if he wanted, but he didn’t. Why would he? This was what Wylan wanted the most. 

So he let Jesper close the distance between them, and he let Jesper kiss him.

Sooner than Wylan would’ve liked, Jesper pulled away, leaning his forehead against Wylan’s. “That was better than any gift you could ever give me.” 

A giddy laugh escaped Wylan. “Okay, then you wouldn’t mind giving me the gun back, I can take it back to the shop⎯” He joked, but Jesper shrugged, smirking at him.

“Only if you promise me we can do some more of that.” 

“As much as you want.” Wylan said, but the words almost died in his throat. They didn’t have a lot of time left to do that.

“That’s a dangerous thing to say, merchling,” Jesper said, leaning in to kiss Wylan one more time. “I don’t think I can ever get tired of this.” 

His lips were soft and warm and the way they moved against his made Wylan’s heart beat like it was trying to jump right out of his chest. He remembered thinking that Jesper had the most perfect lips the first time he saw him, but he never thought he would get to feel them on him. He doubted he could ever get tired of this either.

They kissed for a while, until Wylan lost track of time. They probably wouldn’t have stopped if Jesper hadn’t let out a yawn, causing Wylan to giggle. 

“We should sleep.”

Jesper wrinkled his nose, but he nodded. “You’re probably right.” He stood up and after kissing his forehead, he turned around, heading towards the couch like every other night. Wylan already missed having him close. 

“Actually,” Wylan spoke without even knowing what he was doing, he just knew he didn’t want to be away from Jesper. “I thought we could share the bed tonight.”

Jesper’s eyes widened and Wylan turned a bright red, he hurried to add, “I thought you deserved a good night’s sleep.”

 _And it will be easier to sneak out if Jesper was soundly asleep, instead of tossing and turning in that lumpy couch_ , Wylan couldn’t help but think. 

“Are you sure? I’m not expecting anything, Wy⎯ you don’t have to⎯”

“I want to.”

“Okay, yeah.” Jesper said, returning to Wylan and giving him a smile. “My back will definitely appreciate it.” 

They both started getting ready for bed. Wylan tried to remain calm when Jesper shrugged off his shirt, like he did every night, knowing that he would be sleeping next to him like that. He had managed to get his heart rate under control by the time they climbed under the covers, and then Jesper was reaching for Wylan’s hand and lacing their fingers together, sending his heart sky rocketing out of his chest all over again.

“You know,” Jesper started, staring at their linked fingers in the dim light. “I used to be jealous of Nina and Matthias, even Kaz and Inej and the weird thing they got going on between them. I thought I would never find anyone, that I would be alone forever.”

Wylan swallowed the lump in his throat. Soon Jesper would be alone again, and it would be his fault. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything.

“I’m happy I found you. Or that you found me⎯ ran into me, actually.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I ever apologized for that.”

“You don’t have to, not when it got us here.” Jesper squeezed his hand. “And don’t worry about the money thing or the circus or Kaz. Whatever happens, I’ll stay with you. We can have our own two-man show.”

Wylan frowned slightly, letting himself imagine a future where that was possible. “I refuse to be your assistant and let you shoot at me.”

“Don’t you trust me?”

“I do, but I don’t trust myself to keep still.”

“Fine, then you can draw people and sell them your drawings. They would definitely buy them. I know I would.” 

“I actually like that idea.” Wylan said with a smile. He hoped it didn’t look as sad as it felt. “And you don’t have to pay for my drawings, Jes, you can have all of them for free.”

Jesper hummed. “Now I’m curious to know just how many drawings of me you actually have.” 

Wylan wrinkled his nose, cheeks dusted with pink. “A lot?

“That’s adorable.” He said, running his thumb over the back of his hand. “Hey, you should show them to Kaz, the drawings, if the circus is saved then he might consider letting you open a little pre-show stall.”

 _Except, I won’t be around for that._ “I don’t think that’s something he would like.”

“If it earns him money, he will like it. Trust me.” 

“I’ll⎯ I’ll think about it.”

Jesper yawned again and Wylan noticed how his eyelids started to drop. 

“You’re tired, Jes. You should sleep.”

“I don’t want to go to sleep.” He said, fighting off another yawn. 

“Why not?”

Jesper sighed and Wylan felt his breath on his face with how close they were. “I know it’s stupid, but I feel like you won’t be there when I wake up and I’ll be back on the couch, and all of this would have been a dream.”

“It’s not a dream.” _But I won’t be here when you wake up_. Wylan fought off the urge to cry, instead leaning closer to Jesper and tentatively placing a kiss on his lips. The first and probably the last Wylan would initiate. 

“You’re right. My dreams are never this good.” Jesper said, unaware of the turmoil on Wylan’s head. He squeezed his hand one last time before he let go and reached over to turn down the lamp completely. “Goodnight, Wy.”

“Goodnight, Jes.” Wylan said softly, hoping that Jesper wouldn’t notice how much the word sounded like ‘goodbye’.

* * *

Wylan waited until Jesper started snoring lightly to climb out of the bed. 

After many mornings of slipping out of the wagon, knowing that Jesper would sleep for a couple more hours, Wylan knew that he was a heavy sleeper. Still, he tried to keep as quiet as he could as he packed up his things. 

Not that there was a lot to pack. 

He had his flute, his art supplies, the scarf Jesper gave him, some clothes he had collected in the last weeks, his money. He started putting away his drawings, but paused when he picked up his favorite drawing of Jesper. He made an impulsive decision and left it on the bed, on top of his pillow, right next to his head. 

Over the years, Wylan had come to terms with not being able to read or write. He hated it, but he got used to it. In that moment, he wanted more than anything to be able to write so that he could leave a note for Jesper. An apology. An explanation. A declaration of love. When Jesper woke up to find that Wylan was gone, he would have a lot of questions. He just wanted to leave something for him that would convince Jesper that Wylan cared about him. Maybe this drawing and how hard Wylan had worked on it would make everything a bit easier when his absence undoubtedly broke Jesper’s heart. 

There was only a small chance of that happening, but it was all he could do. 

Wylan was ready to leave sooner than he wanted. This was it. The moment he had been dreading since that first day. He turned to look at Jesper, still fast asleep, and felt the tears well up in his eyes. He wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed and go back to sleep with Jesper lying next to him. But he couldn’t.

He turned around and walked out.

Outside, in the night air, Wylan shivered. He hadn’t actually planned this part in detail, but he had a rough idea of what to do. Go to the city, find a place to lay low for a couple of days while he figured out where to go from there. 

Wylan kept to the shadows. Most people were asleep, but there could still be people milling around who might see him and wonder what he was doing. 

He thought he was doing a decent job at sneaking around until he heard a voice coming out of the dark. 

“So this is how Wylan Van Eck decides to deal with things.”

It made Wylan jump, heart banging wildly against his ribcage. He immediately recognized the voice and he was not surprised to see Kaz walk out from behind one of the wagons a second later. 

He felt dread spreading through him at the sight of Kaz, looking as intimidating as always, in his black suit and leaning on his cane, a sharp look on his face. “You know who I am.” He said, it wasn’t a question, Kaz had just called him by his real name, confirming his suspicions. 

“Of course I do.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

Kaz gave a bored shrug. “Curiosity. I wanted to know how you would play this out.” He explained, then his voice darkened, “I have to admit, I didn’t expect you to do this to him.” 

Wylan ducked his head. He didn’t need to ask who Kaz was referring to, he knew it was Jesper. 

“Tell me, Van Eck, did you even tell Jesper who you are or did you lie to him until the end?” He asked, fixing Wylan with a cold stare. He could hear the anger in his voice.

“I told him enough⎯”

“Did you tell him you were leaving?” Kaz asked, his left eyebrow quirking up in question. Wylan didn’t say anything, but his silence was answer enough. “So you’re just going to disappear? Let him wake up in the morning to find you gone?” 

“He’ll forget about me soon enough.” The words hurt, but he still hoped they were true. It would be easier for Jesper if he simply forgot about Wylan.

Kaz scoffed. “Like you’ll forget about him?”

No, Wylan could never forget him and Kaz seemed to know that. Anger sparked inside of him, he set his jaw defiantly. “Why do you care?

“I care about Jesper,” Kaz said defensively. Was that the reason why he was angry that Wylan was leaving? Or was it because it would ruin his plan? “He’s my friend⎯

“Then you can tell him the truth! About how you were going to use me to get money from my father⎯”

Kaz frowned slightly. “What makes you think I was going to do that?”

Wylan bit the inside of his cheek, Kaz didn’t seem to know what he was talking about. “It’s the only reason why you would keep this to yourself.” He said, but his voice lacked confidence. There was no way he had gotten everything wrong. Right? “You⎯ you knew who I was from the start. And you probably knew my father would pay to get me back. You needed the money for the circus, so you were going to trade me for it. You looked straight at me when you told the others that you would find a way to come up with the money⎯”

The loud scoff Kaz let out shut Wylan up. “I knew you had issues, Van Eck, but I never thought you were this paranoid.”

“Yeah, well. When your father tries to kill you, it’s hard not to distrust anyone.” He said, self consciously crossing his arms over his chest. 

Kaz looked startled for the first time since the conversation began. “Your _father_ tried to kill you?” Wylan hesitantly nodded. “I guess it all makes sense now.”

“What does?” Wylan thought Kaz already knew everything. He certainly liked to act like he did. 

“The day after Jesper found you, I heard rumors that Van Eck was in town, asking around if someone had turned up dead near our circus, a young man that fit your description.” Kaz explained. “I thought you ran away, looking for some excitement outside your big mansion and that he was worried that something had happened to you. Clearly he was just looking for confirmation that whoever he hired to kill you actually got the job done.”

He shuddered at the thought of his father being in town the day after Wylan arrived. He could have easily seen him walking around and decide to finish the job himself.

“Is that when you stole the watch?” 

Kaz shrugged. “I saw an opportunity to steal from a rich merch and I took it.”

“But you didn’t tell him where to find me, even if you knew who I was?”

“I told you. I wanted to see how it played out.” 

If Kaz wanted to give him away, he could have easily done it then. He would have earned more money than he did by stealing that pocket watch. Did that mean Kaz was right? Was Wylan just being paranoid?

“So you weren’t going to give me back to my father in exchange for money?” He asked in a small voice.

Kaz shook his head. “It’s not a bad plan, really, I wish I thought of it myself.” He said, the corners of his mouth twitching almost imperceptibly. “But no, Wylan, I wasn’t planning to sell you back to your father so that he could kill you.” 

Wylan sighed. “When you didn’t say anything, I thought⎯”

“Did it ever occur to you that I was only giving you the chance to tell the truth yourself?” 

No, it certainly never occurred to him. 

Still, none of that really mattered. Sure, a big part of why Wylan was leaving was that he thought Kaz would eventually turn him in, but even if he wasn’t planning to do that, his father was still looking for him and it was only a matter of time before he found him. 

“It doesn’t matter, I still have to leave.”

“Because you’re a coward.” Kaz said matter-of-factly.

Wylan bristled. “I’m not a coward!” 

“You’re leaving in the middle of the night.”

“It’s easier that way⎯”

“You’re running away from your father.”

“I don’t have another choice!” Wylan snapped, throwing his hands in the air. “If my father was asking about me, then he knows I’m alive. It’s only a matter of time before he finds me, he won’t stop until I’m dead⎯”

“Then you stop him.”

“It’s not that simple⎯” Wylan started, but his mouth snapped shut when Kaz cut in and said, “Then _we_ stop him.”

He blinked at him in surprise. “You⎯ you want to _help_ me?”

“If the alternative is you walking out on Jesper without a word, then yes.” He said before pointing menacingly at Wylan with his cane. “But you have to tell him the truth. The whole truth this time.” 

Wylan gave him a curious look. “You really do care about your friends, don’t you? You come across like you don’t care about anyone, but that’s not true. You have a heart.” He said, the surprise evident in his voice.

Kaz pressed the cane harder into his chest. “Watch it, Van Eck or I might change my mind.” He drew back the cane and pointed at the path where Wylan came from. “Go back to Jesper. I’ll think about how to stop your father.”

Then, before Wylan could say anything else, Kaz whirled around and disappeared behind one of the wagons, leaving Wylan alone in the dark.

* * *

Wylan replayed his conversation with Kaz the entire walk back to Jesper’s wagon. He was still scared, but not scared of Kaz, not anymore. He was scared of his father finding him. A part of him still wanted to go through with his plan and leave, but Kaz’s words kept echoing in his head and he couldn’t stop thinking about how hurt Jesper would be if he woke up and realized Wylan had left forever. Especially if he had a choice. He had made up his mind because he was sure that running was the only way he could stay safe and alive, but now that Kaz was offering his help, Wylan would be a fool not to take it. Not when it meant that he wouldn’t have to hurt Jesper. 

He didn’t realize he wasn’t being as silent as he should have when entering the wagon until Jesper sat up on the bed with a start, blindly reaching for one of his guns. 

“It’s just me.” Wylan said quickly and Jesper relaxed when he heard his voice. 

“Merchling, what⎯ Is it morning already?” He asked, his voice rough from sleep. He lit up the lamp next to the bed and squinted his eyes at him. “Wait, why do you have your bag? Are you going somewhere?”

Wylan fidgeted where he stood. “Um, I’m coming back actually. I⎯ I need to talk to you.”

“Okay.” Jesper said with a guarded look on his face. “What’s going on?”

He took a deep breath, playing with the strap of his bag. “I⎯ I haven’t been completely honest with you.”

“Is this about what happened before? Wy, if you’re having second thoughts⎯”

“No! No, Jesper.” He replied quickly. “I could never regret what happened between us.” 

Jesper looked slightly relieved. “Okay, good. Then what are you talking about?”

“I’ve been lying to you since we met.” Wylan stared down at the floor as he talked, avoiding his eyes. “My last name isn’t Hendricks, it’s Van Eck. My father is Jan Van Eck and he⎯ he didn’t just hurt me and I didn’t run away. The night we met, he brought me to the circus and then he left me behind and he⎯ he hired someone to kill me. No one tried to mug me that night. I only said that because I didn’t know who I could trust. I didn’t know if he would send someone else. I’m⎯ I’m sorry I lied.” 

When he finished talking he was met with only silence. He finally dared to lift his head, Jesper looked angry. He tried very hard not to flinch, another apology forming on his lips.

But Jesper spoke first, “I’ll kill him. I don’t care who your father is. I will kill him.”

He blinked at him. “You’re⎯ you’re not angry at me?”

“Oh, I’m angry! I’m angry at fucking Jan Van Eck who tried to get his son killed.” He spat out. Then his face morphed into a pensive frown for a moment. “Wait, is this the same Van Eck Kaz stole that watch from?” Wylan nodded and his face lit up with realization. “Kaz knew, didn’t he?” He nodded again. “Is that why you looked so worried that day we went to the pawnshop? Were you scared that your father would find you because of the watch?”

“Yeah.” 

“Oh Wy, you should have told me! Why didn’t you tell me?” Jesper said, the anger was mostly gone from his voice, replaced by hurt. “Why did you lie to me?”

Wylan looked down at the floor again. The hurt in his voice felt like a stab through his heart. “I was scared and embarrassed. I didn’t want to tell you why my father would send someone to kill me⎯”

“What you said earlier,” Jesper jumped in, “about not being able to read or write, is that why⎯”

He let out a sigh. “Yeah. My father thought I was a disappointment. He kept me locked in the house for years, so no one would know. I guess he just figured it was easier to just get rid of me.” He inhaled sharply. “I was scared that you would think the same of me⎯”

Jesper stared at him with a stricken expression. “Wylan, I could never⎯”

“I didn’t know that! I didn’t know if I could trust you or anyone, so I didn’t tell you who I was⎯”

“Wait. Did you think I would tell your father? Did you think I would _hurt_ you? That’s⎯” Jesper abruptly cut off.

After a moment of silence, Wylan glanced up. Jesper wasn't looking at him, his eyes had landed on his bag and he seemed to be putting everything together in his head.

“You were going to leave.”

It wasn't a question, but Wylan still closed his eyes and nodded. He heard the bed shift, followed by footsteps as Jesper walked over to him. 

“Why?”

Wylan sighed again. _The whole truth_ , Kaz had said. “I was scared that Kaz was going to expose me, I thought he was going to trade me for money to save the circus.”

The anger was suddenly back on Jesper's face. “Did Kaz threaten you?”

“No! No, I got that idea in my head.” He said and Jesper visibly relaxed. “And I convinced myself that the only way to be safe was if I left.”

“What made you change your mind?”

Wylan snorted softly. “It was Kaz actually. He said he would help me stop my father, that he would do it for you.”

“I didn’t think he cared that much.” Jesper said, lips curling up slightly.

“Me neither.”

There was a moment of silence, and then Jesper sighed, absently reaching for the strap of Wylan’s bag, toying with it. 

“I wish you had told me, Wylan.” He whispered softly.

Wylan felt guilty. “I know. And I’m so sorry I lied to you. I’ll understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore⎯”

Jesper shook his head, grabbing Wylan's hands in his. “I didn’t say that. I don't want that.”

“But I lied to you.”

Jesper pressed his lips into a thin line. “And that’s⎯ definitely a concern. But I forgive you and as long as you promise you won’t do it again,” Wylan shook his head vehemently. Jesper smiled, “My feelings for you haven’t changed. I still want to do sweet, sentimental and downright inappropriate things with you, Wylan Van Eck.”

He felt his cheeks heat up and a pleased little smile broke across his face. 

Jesper brought their joined hands to his face, but hesitated slightly. “Now if you don’t want to be with me and this is your way of politely ending this⎯”

Wylan squeezed his hands. “I want to be with you. More than anything.”

Jesper relaxed, kissing Wylan's knuckles. “Okay good, then we’ll make it work. And I’ll make sure your father never hurts you again. I promise.”

Wylan nodded and let Jesper wrap his arms around him in a tight hug, holding him like he never wanted him to leave. Wylan had already tried. He knew he could never do it again. 

* * *

The next morning, Wylan and Jesper woke up at the same time. 

There was someone banging on the door. Loudly. 

Jesper groaned and Wylan could feel his breath against the back of his neck. There was also something holding him down, an arm wrapped around his waist. He felt confused for a moment, before it all came back to him. 

The kiss. Leaving. His conversation with Kaz. Telling Jesper the truth. 

Then going back to sleep after that. They had started on opposite sides of the bed, but they must have moved close during the night and ended up cuddling instead. Not that Wylan was complaining. He liked how warm and safe he felt with Jesper's arms around him. He wished that he could enjoy it longer, but whoever was at the door was getting impatient. 

“Jes, wake up. Someone’s outside.”

“I don’t want to. You’re warm and comfortable.” Jesper said, pulling Wylan closer to him.

“I don’t think whoever’s at the door cares, or that they’re going away.”

“Fine.” He placed a chaste kiss on Wylan’s neck, causing a shiver to run down his spine. The banging grew even louder. “I’m coming! I’m coming! Saints, where are your manners?” He opened the door and said, “Oh. I should have known, you have no manners.”

“Good morning to you, Jesper.” Kaz said and Wylan heard his cane and his footsteps as he walked up the steps. He came into view and his eyes locked on Wylan and the bed where it was clear two people had slept. “I see there’s been a development. I hope you told him the truth before falling into bed with him.”

Wylan spluttered. “I didn’t fall into bed with him!

“He did tell me the truth though.”

Kaz nodded. “Good, it saves time. We have work to do.” 

Jesper made a face. “So early in the morning?”

“The knocking down of a rich mercher doesn’t wait for it to be noon, Jesper.”

“Straight to business, I see.”

Kaz nodded. “Yes, we need to tell the others.”

Wylan sat up with a gasp. “The others?”

“Kaz, if Wylan isn’t ready for anyone else to know⎯”

“It can’t be harder than telling Jesper.”

“When you say ‘the others’ do you mean, like, the entire circus?” Wylan asked, worrying his lip between his teeth.

“Just Inej, Nina and Matthias. We need to keep it between us for now.”

Jesper sat next to Wylan on the bed, setting a hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay with that, Wy?”

He nodded after taking a deep breath. “I trust them. And with you there with me, it shouldn’t be so bad.”

Kaz tapped the floor with his cane twice. “Splendid. Let’s go.” 

“Can you give us a moment to get dressed?” Jesper asked sarcastically, gesturing at their different states of undress.

Kaz let out a dramatic sigh. “If I must. Let’s meet at the big top.” And with that, he walked out and left them alone. 

Jesper fell back against the bed. “Well, there goes my blissful morning. I finally convince you to share the bed with me and Kaz drags me out? Figures.”

“He really doesn’t waste any time.”

“Not when it comes to helping his friends.” Jesper said, kissing Wylan's shoulder and pushing himself to his feet so they could start getting ready. 

* * *

Thirty minutes later they were holding hands on their way to meet their friends. Nina spotted them first, noticed that small detail and the lack of space between them, and squealed, “Oh! It finally happened!” She cheered, clapping her hands together. “Tell me all the details.”

“A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell, Zenik.” 

“And you’re not a gentleman, Fahey.”

“Touché.”

Inej dropped down from⎯ somewhere, and looked between them. She smiled in amusement. “Is this why Kaz asked us to meet here and why he has been making cryptic comments all morning?”

Nina leaned her head against Matthias’ shoulder, eyelids heavy. “Not that I’m not happy about you two, but it could have waited until a more appropriate hour.”

“That’s not why we’re here.” Kaz said, rolling his eyes. He met Wylan’s eyes and raised an eyebrow at him.

Wylan sighed. “I need to tell you all something.” They all turned to look at him, and Wylan tried really hard not to fidget under their stares as he explained everything to them⎯ who he was, who his father was, how he had tried to kill Wylan and _why_ he had done it. It was easier to talk about it with Jesper holding his hand in support, and when he finished talking, he felt like a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders.

For a moment, no one said anything. 

Then Nina stood up and moved towards him, pulling Wylan into a hug. “Oh sweetie! That’s terrible! I’m sorry that happened to you.” He hugged her back.

“Me too,” Matthias said, looking at Wylan over her shoulder. 

When Nina pulled back, Inej was there. Her small hands grabbed Wylan’s shoulders and she looked up at him. “I’m sorry that your father did that to you. And that you felt like you had to lie to us.”

Wylan couldn’t help but smile. He should have known that he could trust his friends, they were _still_ his friends, even after he told them the truth.

“Okay,” Kaz said, standing up. “Now that we’re all caught up, the real reason I asked you here is so we can figure out how to take Jan Van Eck down.” He looked straight at Wylan and he thought he almost saw him smile, “Because no one messes with one of us without facing the consequences.”

* * *

This was the first time that Wylan was completely alone in the dark passage that snaked around behind the stage. During the show, the place would be buzzing with activity⎯ performers getting ready to go out on stage, people situating costumes and props around, stagehands doing last minute maintenance on tools and equipment to ensure they were in perfect condition for the show. Right now, it was just him and the dimly colored lights that played across the backdrop, throwing shadows in strange places. 

Wylan made himself busy by tidying up the place, resisting the urge to glance at the clock or at the back entrance, left open on purpose. 

The gun, carefully concealed beneath his coat, felt cold against his skin. Jesper had given it to him before he came here. Wylan didn’t want to accept it, but Jesper had insisted it was for his own protection. If the plan worked out like Kaz assured him it would, then Wylan wouldn’t need to use it. Trusting Kaz still felt like a gamble, but at the same time, he was convinced the other boy wouldn’t sell him out. 

“There you are.”

Wylan whirled around at the sound of his father’s voice just as he stepped into the light. He thought he was prepared to see him again, but the moment he laid eyes on him it was like he was being doused with cold water. 

His gaze was cold, his face merciless. A triumphant smile twisted his lips.

It wasn’t the face of a man who was worried about his missing son, it was the face of a monster who was disappointed that he was still alive⎯ and who was here to make sure that he didn’t stay that way. 

When his father advanced towards him, Wylan fell back a couple of steps, knocking over some props. The cold material of the gun tucked under his coat came in contact with his skin, reminding him it was there, but he couldn’t bring himself to reach for it.

His father sneered at him. “I have to hand it to you. I never thought you would actually get away, let alone hide from me and stay alive for so long.”

Wylan struggled to get the words out. “How did you find me?”

“When the man I sent after you⎯”

“You mean, the man you sent to _kill_ me.”

Van Eck waved him off. “When he didn’t show up to collect his money, I grew suspicious. I waited to see if your body turned up somewhere, but when it didn’t, I figured you had managed to escape somehow.” He explained, then with a mocking laugh he added, “I knew you wouldn’t be smart or brave enough to leave the city. I played the part of the worried father, looking for his runaway son. I offered a reward to anyone who came forward with information. It was only a matter of time before someone sold you out. I was surprised it was Kaz Brekker who came to find me, that piece of scum. I thought he would be used to being surrounded by freaks, but not even he can stand _you_.”

Wylan bit down on his tongue, fighting the ashamed tears that threatened to fall from his eyes when he listened to his father talk about him like that. He was always hard on him, but that didn’t make his words hurt any less. He wanted to shut him up, but he needed to keep him talking. He needed him to actually admit what he’d tried to do.

His father sighed. “I’m not happy to owe any money to a low life like him. If you ask me, you’re not even worth the few thousands that I promised in exchange for your location⎯”

“Why go through the trouble of looking for me then?” Wylan asked, trying to keep his voice steady, but it came out like a broken whisper. “I was already gone. You could’ve just told everyone that I ran away. You still can! And once the circus leaves town and I leave with them, you will never have to see me again.”

“And risk anyone finding out that my son is running around with thieves and freaks.” Van Eck scoffed, shaking his head. “You’re enough of a disgrace to this family as it is. No, this ends tonight.”

Wylan’s eyes widened as Van Eck reached inside his coat, pulling out a gun. He advanced towards him, raising his arm, pointing the gun at him.

Fear clouded his mind, making it difficult to think. He’d gotten too used to his new home and had forgotten what it felt like to be at the mercy of someone who wanted to hurt him.

Before his father could press the trigger, Wylan turned and ran. 

He heard Van Eck curse and then the sound of his footsteps behind him as he maneuvered himself between crates and props as fast as he could. It was dark and he stumbled a few times, hitting his shoulder against something and feeling blood running down his arm. He gritted his teeth, trying to run faster.

“You escaped me once!” Van Eck shouted, getting closer. “It won’t happen again!”

Finally, Wylan reached the end of the passageway and burst through the entrance to the stage. The ring was empty, the only light coming from the moonlight filtering through the flaps of the tent. Wylan was about to start running towards one of the exits when he heard a gun click behind him. 

His father let out a mocking laugh. “Did you really think you could get away from me?” 

Wylan turned around to face him, slowly moving backwards, but his father matched his steps until Wylan was staring right into the barrel of the gun.

He gave a shaky breath. “Wait, Father, please⎯”

“You’re really going to beg?”

“Please. I'm sorry.” He said, breathing heavily. “Don't do this. I'll be better, I'll make you proud.”

His father looked down his nose at him. “I could never be proud of you. You’re a disappointment, a disgrace! I should’ve gotten rid of you a long time ago. I should’ve killed you myself, instead of paying someone else to do it.” His grip on the gun tightened and the small part of him that hoped his father didn’t actually want him dead, was forced to face the cruel reality that his father was about to kill him. He blinked away the sudden tears. “I won’t make the same mistake again.”

“Now, that is a very disturbing conversation to hear.” 

Van Eck startled, Kaz’s voice resonating on the, otherwise, quiet tent. His head whipped around in every direction, trying to find him. A spotlight came on, blinding him momentarily. 

“Ah!” He gasped, covering his face with his hands. When he grew used to the light, he located Kaz and pointed his gun at him. “You! Stupid bastard, I told you not to intervene! You just lost your money!”

Kaz just stared at him, looking weirdly calm for someone who had a gun pointed at him. Wylan’s eyes darted between him and the weapon, feeling a pang of worry when he saw his father place his finger on the trigger⎯

But then he heard a gun click and it wasn’t his father’s. “Ah ah ah,” Jesper tsked, stepping into the circle of light, his gun pressed against the back of Van Eck’s head. “I wouldn't do that if I were you. Put the gun down.”

His father’s expression turned livid. His red cheeks were puffed out and his eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head. “How dare you point a gun at me?”

“How dare you point a gun at Wylan? You’re lucky I haven’t pulled the trigger.” Jesper said through gritted teeth, the playful tone gone from his voice. It softened when he looked at Wylan over his father’s shoulder. “Wy, are you okay?”

Wylan gave a shaky nod. He felt safer now that Jesper was there and his father had lowered the gun, but there was still a lump in his throat. He wasn’t completely out of danger. They hadn’t won yet.

His father scoffed at him. “You stupid boy. Do you really think these people can protect you? I’m a powerful man! A respectable man! I will have them both in chains and then I will get rid of you.”

“The only one who will end in chains is you, Van Eck.” Kaz said, stepping closer into the light. “A member of the merchant council who attempted to murder his son? Not once, but twice? They will put you away for a long time.”

He laughed at Kaz. “You can’t prove anything, bastard. No one will believe you or one of your freaks. It’s your word against mine.”

“Is it?”

A crease appeared between Van Eck’s eyebrows and his mouth opened, but before he could ask Kaz what he meant, he was interrupted. 

“ _I could never be proud of you. You’re a disappointment, a disgrace! I should’ve gotten rid of you a long time ago. I should’ve killed you myself, instead of paying someone else to do it._ ” Van Eck’s own voice said, but it wasn’t coming from him. It was louder and it sounded like it came from everywhere in the tent.

It worked. It _actually_ worked. 

Wylan saw the way Van Eck’s expression changed. First, confusion. Then, realization. And finally, anger. 

“What is that?” His father asked Kaz through gritted teeth. “What did you do?” 

“I didn’t do anything.” Kaz said, gesturing at Wylan. “He did.”

His father whipped his head around to glare at Wylan. “You⎯” 

When he tried to advance on Wylan, Jesper pressed the gun harder against his head, reminding him to stay still. “That’s right. Him.” Jesper said coldly. “The same son you just called stupid and a disgrace, who is actually the smartest person I know. He built a device that can record any sound.” He explained just as Inej dropped to the ground next to them, carrying the device Jesper was talking about. It looked way too small for the loud sound it made, and Wylan remembered Kaz’s skeptical look when he had shown it to him. Wylan had promised him it would work, even if there was a part of him that worried that he was wrong and would ruin their plan. Jesper, on the other hand, never doubted it would work. He trusted how smart Wylan was. “He intended for it to record music for our performances, but it worked just fine to record you admitting to trying to murder Wylan.” 

“It’s a trick! You can’t prove anything!” Van Eck cried, but Wylan could see him eye the wooden box warily. 

“Not a trick, just your own word against you.” Kaz said smugly. “But just in case we need more proof⎯ Matthias!”

The lights came on, illuminating the whole tent. Someone cleared their throat and they all turned to see Nina standing near the entrance, her hands on her hips and a man wearing a uniform standing behind her. Wylan hadn’t noticed exactly when they entered the tent and he could only hope he’d witnessed his father pointing a gun at him or heard his confession. 

“What⎯ What is this?”

“This is Pieter, captain of the city watch.” Nina explained. “And he’s here to arrest you.”

Van Eck’s eyes widened, he tried to hide the gun from the man’s view. “Captain! Arrest this filth!” He said, gesturing at them. “They are threatening me and my son⎯”

Dread settled in on Wylan like a cold chill as he stared at the captain, wondering if he would believe his father and arrest Kaz or Jesper? 

But his hard set face remained on Van Eck. “The only one threatening your son appears to be you, Van Eck. And from what I hear, not for the first time. You’re the only one getting arrested tonight.”

His father’s face crumbled, his expression turning panicked. Wylan relaxed, Kaz smiled and Jesper threw his head back with a triumphant laugh. Van Eck used that short distraction to knock the gun from his hand and run towards the passageway behind the stage, but Matthias was waiting for him there and Van Eck fell on his back when he collided against him.

Matthias easily pulled him up and held him in place until the Captain arrested him.

“You can’t do this! These are all lies! Tricks! I won’t let my reputation be tarnished by the likes of you!” Van Eck kept repeating, trying to free himself from the Captain’s hold, glaring at Matthias, Jesper, Inej, Nina, Kaz, and in last place, at Wylan. “How could you do this to me? To your own father! Your family!” Van Eck spat at him. Jesper took a step forward, but Wylan held his hand up to stop him. 

He needed to stand up to his father one last time. 

“You’re not my family. Family is supposed to protect each other, all you ever did was hurt me.” Wylan said, voice surprisingly steady. “These people are the only family I need. They took me in, they protected me,” he grabbed Jesper’s hand, lacing their fingers together, “and when they charge you for your crimes and all your money goes to me, I will use it to make sure this circus never ceases to exist so no one has to go through what I went through because of you.”

Van Eck was rendered speechless by Wylan’s words, but anger and disbelief shone from his face as the Captain dragged him out of the tent. 

Jesper pulled Wylan into his arms. “Brave little merchling.” He whispered against his curls and pressed a kiss against them. 

As he looked around at his friends, triumphant smiles in all their faces, Wylan relaxed.

It was over. No more running, no more hiding. 

He was safe. 

* * * 

It was a busy couple of days after that. Wylan was asked to repeat the same story again and again as the city watch tried to make sense of one of the most respectable men in the merchant council trying to kill his son. Next to the slight chance that his father might have simply decided to murder him on sight, this was the riskiest part of the plan, the fear that the city watch might choose to believe Jan Van Eck instead of them. They had the recording and their testimony, as well as the Captain’s, but Wylan still worried that it wouldn’t be enough to convince them to lock his father away. 

Eventually, they were given good news. For attempted murder and his other crimes, Jan Van Eck would be put away for a long time. As his only son, Van Eck’s properties, stocks and money would pass on to him. Something that would certainly have made his father lose his mind if he learned about it. Wylan hoped he did, wherever he might be.

Wylan decided to give his stepmother, Alys, the mansion as well as enough money to live comfortably. She had been nothing but kind to him, and it wasn’t her fault that she’d had to marry his father. He gave Kaz enough money to save the circus, more than what his father had offered in return for information about him. Even then he was left with a lot of money, more than he knew what to do with. He playfully suggested to Jesper that they could get a larger wagon, one that could fit two beds, so they wouldn’t have to share, but Jesper threatened to burn the money if Wylan tried to go through with it. 

“If anything we are getting a smaller wagon with a smaller bed, so you will be forced to hold me in your sleep, sweet merchling.” Jesper had said before kissing Wylan’s lips. 

“I don’t need anything to force me to hold you, Jes.” Wylan had said, more comfortable around Jesper the more time they spent together. He didn’t have to hold back anymore or convince himself that what was between them meant nothing in the long run. It meant everything. And not just Jesper. Nina and Matthias, Kaz and Inej. His friends. His family. The people who went through a lot of trouble just to save him from his father when they could have easily left him to fend for himself. Instead, they had saved him and Wylan had saved them, opening up a whole new future for him. One he never could have imagined before. 

The circus would be leaving Ketterdam soon and Wylan would be going with them. He didn’t know when they would be back and there was something Wylan wanted to do first. 

He asked Matthias to let him borrow Beth and told Jesper that they were going horseback riding. He was so excited about riding behind Wylan and having an excuse to wrap his arms around his waist that he didn’t even ask where they were going. Wylan was grateful for that. 

He led them to the outskirts of town to the Van Eck lake house. It was Alys’s now, but it was currently empty. 

“What is this? Are we trespassing? Are you looking to join your father in a cell?” Jesper asked when Wylan led Beth into the property.

He snorted. “This is my father’s⎯ my family’s lake house. You told me once that you wanted me to bring you here and since we’re leaving town soon, I thought⎯” He shrugged. “We can go somewhere else, if you want. I just thought we could spend the day here, just you and me.”

Jesper grinned, placing his chin on Wylan’s shoulder. “I’m in. You don’t have to convince me to spend time alone with you.” He kissed his neck before climbing down from the horse. Wylan did the same and together, they walked towards the lake. 

When Jesper had suggested Wylan brought him here all those weeks ago, Wylan had thought it wouldn’t be possible for many reasons, but he had let himself entertain the idea for a moment or two. 

Reality was infinitely better. 

Jesper jumped into the lake as soon as he could, coaxing Wylan to join him. They ate some food that Inej and Nina had helped him pack while sitting on the grass. Jesper eventually fell asleep and Wylan couldn’t help himself, pulling out a roll of paper from his bag and drawing his boyfriend as he peacefully slept under the sun. 

He was almost done with the drawing when Jesper stirred and caught Wylan looking at him. “Admiring the view?” He asked with a smirk, causing his cheeks to pink up, a small smile curling along his lips.

“There’s a lot to admire.”

Jesper grinned. He started to move before his eyes fell on the pen and paper on Wylan’s lap. “Can I move or do you need to stare at me some more?”

“No, you’re good.” Wylan said. He had a few details to finish, but he had memorized the image of Jesper stretched out in the grass after spending hours looking at him. 

“Good,” Jesper said, sitting up and leaning towards Wylan, reaching up to gently cup his cheek. “Because I want to do some admiring of my own.” 

Then he kissed him. A long, sweet kiss that took Wylan’s breath away.

When they separated, Wylan leaned his head on Jesper’s shoulder, looking out over the surface of the lake. 

“Are you sad about leaving?” Jesper softly asked after a while, fingers playing with Wylan’s curls. “Ketterdam, your home?”

Wylan shook his head. “This house, the mansion where I lived with my father, this city⎯ they’re not my home. Not more than my father is my family.” He looked into Jesper’s eyes and smiled. “I’m not sad, Jes. I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life.” 

A smile spread across Jesper’s face. “Me too, Wy,” he said, kissing his nose, “Me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on tumblr [jem-carstairs-is-perfection](http://jem-carstairs-is-perfection.tumblr.com/%22)
> 
> Be sure to check out the amazing art that this wonderful artists created for this fic  
> [fricklefracklefloof](https://fricklefracklefloof.tumblr.com/)  
> [discountscoobygang](https://discountscoobygang.tumblr.com/)  
> [sanktsforsaken](https://sanktsforsaken.tumblr.com/)  
> [artisticaperture](https://artisticaperture.tumblr.com/)  
> [sketcharlotte](https://sketcharlotte.tumblr.com//)
> 
> Also a huge thank you to my amazing beta  
> [thefirsttailor](https://thefirsttailor.tumblr.com/)


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